Fit Shaming

Social media.

It has given us the power to stay behind a keyboard and throw hurtful words and opinions without the repercussion of seeing the emotion of the receiving end. Then we have our mainstream media, who like to shove images down our throats of ‘perfection’.

Ok, so let’s think this through. Mainstream media wants us all to be thin and encourages a culture of FAT SHAMING – if someone is overweight then they are looked on differently than others and even the media eye captures them differently. Think of the plot points of “The Truth About Cats and Dogs” or “Drop Dead Diva”. The ‘unattractive’ character was slightly heavier than her counterpoint. (That being said, media seems to equate weight with intelligence – especially based on these two examples so I guess it’s not possible to be thin and smart).

Not really seeing the "ugly" in this character...
Not really seeing the “ugly” in this character…

Right, so Fat Shaming on social media has been huge over the years; especially when it comes to the faceless, uneducated masses taking on celebrities or athletes that are not their vision of ideal. Need examples? Go search #FatShamingWeek to see a hodgepodge of the satire and serious.

Recently I have noticed a shift.

We are so over-reactionary now about someone who might possibly be “fat shaming” someone else, that social media has taken another ugly turn into FIT SHAMING.

What is Fit Shaming?

Ever had a friend make a declaration of positive change on Facebook only to be met with their ‘friends’ telling them they’re doing things wrong, they look fine, or not to worry about what the scale says? This is the surface.

Remember this controversy?

Buff mom

The internet went ablaze at this physically fit woman who was making a point. The blasted her for fat shaming, and, in turn, they were FIT shaming. “How dare you exercise when you have three kids?” But that was her point – anyone can find an excuse to not be fit and healthy. She did not find excuses and, despite having three children, here she is: trim, healthy and able to fully enjoy the lives of her sons.

Since I’m on a roll of past media explosions of fit shaming, let’s go with this one:

Crossfit mom

Watch out. Here is another irresponsible woman who is lifting weights. (Oh and she happens to be pregnant.) “Crossfit Mom” stirred the waters of Fit Shaming when photos of her clean and jerk started circulating the amongst the trolls of the internet. Though she stated that she was cleared by her doctor for exercise, and her weights were low, the fit shamers needed to let her know that she was a horrible person. Let’s also remember that she had been on a Crossfit routine for a long time before her pregnancy. She didn’t take up lifting when she found herself 7months pregnant.

Alright, now let’s move into some personal experiences I’ve had.

Everyone knows that I’m an Herbalife Health Coach. I have a lot of friends that utilize healthy eating programs like I do, in combination with exercise. Do things go astray sometimes? Yes. Do we have to recommit once in a while? Yes.

In the past 2 days I have seen 3 separate instances of good friends of mine (some on Herbalife, some not) being shamed about their decision to become healthier.

I understand that the friends who were commenting thought they were coming from a good place. When looking deeper at some of the comments, I realized there was a lot of projection going on.

“Don’t do that. It’s a diet. It’s a fad. You’re just going to fail.”

“I used to be an athlete and I know you’re doing it wrong.”

“You look fine. Just keep doing what you’re doing.”

“Herbalife is a hoax, you’re going to get fat.”

“You work out a lot. You don’t need to change your eating.”

How dare you portion your meals and have a delicious shake?
How dare you portion your meals and have a delicious shake?

Right, so those comments are just abridged versions of what I have gotten from a handful of social media sites from my friends’ pages. I also had a friend from Philly post a status about the negativity she’s been feeling ever since she rebooted her program. Not cool. I have been on my journey for over 10 years now. I have endured a lot of hurt and anger over what people have said to me. Here’s a sampling:

“You workout too much.”

“You’re obviously anorexic.”

“Stop exercising. You’re going to hurt yourself.”

“It’s weird that you take that many vitamins”

“You’re being selfish.”

[on a picture of a healthy meal] “Gross. Can’t you put chocolate on that to make it taste good?”

“Muscles are ugly”

guns

 

“No one will marry you if you lift weights, they’ll all think you’re scary.” (This is why I have my #StrongIsSexy tag)

“You’re stupid for drinking so much water. You don’t need that much.”

“You’re stupid for eating so much protein.”

“You’re getting dyke-ey.”

Photo by Down N Out

“You should be working, not working out.”

“You make me feel lazy.”

“You’re obsessed.”

“You’re too intimidating.”

I’ve also been tagged in many photos of unhealthy habits where the other party seems to be BRAGGING about the unhealthy meal. And when I have put up messages about joining my healthy journey, I have gotten remarks about “Can I do it and eat Oreos?” and other comments along those lines.

 

Should I keep going? It’s hard to go back through the memory banks and pull these out. I end up commenting on threads and conversations that I should probably stay out of because I don’t want any of my friends to hear these words from people they love and respect. No one should be told that their healthy choice is bad. No one should feel like wanting more energy and life is an insult to others.

Again, sometimes it is meant to come from a place of caring and support, but our phrasing is wrong. I know that I have a very bad reaction whenever someone tells me about the great juice diet they’re about to do for 45 days. No one is perfect, but we need to have an awareness of our words and feelings.

These negative comments come from a place of self-doubt, lack of self-confidence, inability to look at oneself to make healthy changes, or even from a simple misunderstanding of what a healthy lifestyle looks like. Those around us will look at what we are doing and see what they are NOT doing, become defensive, and sometimes go on the attack. The projection ends up on our social media and in passive aggressive conversation in day to day life. It happens all the time, and we are ok with it. Fat shaming is not acceptable, but FIT shaming happens just as often, we just haven’t put the spotlight on it yet.

**Disclaimer: If you have a friend that seriously is not eating, has dropped an unhealthy amount of weight in a short period of time, or has a tendency to go from 0 to 120 mph on things, it’s ok to express your concern. Before you approach them with: “You’re doing this wrong”, ask them questions about what they’re doing and why. I guarantee that every human will be less defensive about your feelings if you come to them from a place of understanding, instead of a place of attacking.

So the next time your friend posts that they’re going to CrossFit for the first time, or that they are starting a running routine, or that they have a goal to lose 20 pounds – encourage them. Support them in public. Ask questions about what they’re doing and what made them go for it. If you’re already healthy, help them along the way. If you are not in a super healthy lifestyle, and you feel indignant, incredulous or any other negativity towards the idea of what your friend is doing, that’s fine. You’re allowed to have those feels. That is your choice, but do not spread the negativity and resentment onto the rest of us simply because your choice is not our choice.

For those of us in this world that are combating the negativity of loved ones on an already difficult journey, keep pushing forward. Life will continue to hit you with obstacles. You are stronger. When you are past all of it and can look back on the journey, you’ll be very glad you did not listen to the naysayers.

cant change what you wont face

Lucky Little Miracle Mile

Music is such an amazing outlet. Whether it is playing, or just yelling along to the lyrics as we drive (check out the song “Open Road Song” by Eve 6 for an excellent musical tale about doing just that) – music is a release. Music can get the message out to others that we are too shy to express. (“Mix Tape” from Avenue Q anyone?) And while not every song lyrically reflects my feelings as of late, some of them are just fun to dance along to. Like track one.

I’ve decided to share with you my newest mix CD. Yes. I still make mix CDs. Stop laughing, please. I always name my disc with a mix of names from the album. So here is the disc I am now singing at FULL VOLUME. Want to know me better, check out the music. There are themes of confusion, betrayal, jealousy, triumph, love, confidence, understanding, sex, defiance, strength, aspirations, miscommunication, nostalgia; just to scratch the surface.

Lucky Little Miracle Mile Mix:

Harlem – New Politics
Pain –Jimmy Eat World
Kill Your Heroes – AWOLNATION
Little Talks – Of Monsters and Men
Cough Syrup – Young the Giant
Safe and Sound – Capital Cities
Miracle Mile – Cold War Kids
HarderBetterFasterStronger – Daft Punk
Tiptoe – Imagine Dragons
Fresh Blood – Eels
Get Lucky – Daft Punk (feat. Pharrell Williams)
Royals – Lorde
Wake Up – AWOLNATION
Changing – Airbourne Toxic Event
Mr. Brightside – The Killers
Feeling This – Blink 182
Bleeding Out – Imagine Dragons
Uninvited – Alanis Morissette

Photo by Rick Odell. The songs on this CD will help me focus into even MORE of a beast.
Photo by Rick Odell. The songs on this CD will help me focus into even MORE of a beast.

Choice

I’m getting all amped up thinking about being on a rock wall tonight.

Last weekend I got to attend the Frostbite Competition at Climbnasium in the no man’s land between Mechanicsburg and Carlisle, PA. Right after high school, I had discovered my love of climbing and for a while I was going 3 – 5 times a week.

I fell away from climbing when I let my life overwhelm me. I became more concerned with unhealthy pieces of life than the healthy ones. I made excuses: I cannot find the money, I cannot find the time, I don’t want to drive that far.

Honestly the reason was: I did not believe I was good enough to deserve having something in my life that I love.

Fast forward six years. I am a Health Coach. I’m 3.5 years deep into roller derby. I am in a relationship with a wonderful man that I’m hoping will let me stick around. I have a nice car. I have a great relationship with my family again. I am almost done school. I am allowing myself to be happy. I have come to realize that there is no such thing as “I don’t deserve”.

We are all worthy of happiness. We are all good enough. We tell ourselves otherwise because maybe we’re afraid of being happy on our own. Maybe we are embarrassed of where we are in our life. Maybe we had failed at something and we feel that we should be punished for it.

A punishment, simply for punishment’s sake, is unnecessary. All it does is make you feel more down about yourself. A punishment that furthers your goals – that can be beneficial. (For example, “I didn’t do my morning workout.” Don’t punish yourself by skipping a meal. Do a punishment of completing an evening workout and stay on the elliptical an extra 10 minutes.)

Know that you control your strength and your future. If you don’t believe you do, or if you just scoffed and said “Yea right. Nothing is in my control.” I completely understand. It’s very easy to be a victim to our circumstances. Don’t allow it. Change your mindset. Know that you are stronger than your situation. Decide to rise above it.

Does that mean taking a good, hard, honest look at yourself? Yes. Self-discovery is part of the long, hard road to success and changing your life. Step 1 is being able to say that you really want to change; that you’re really willing to commit to happiness and a positive mindset. You have to be ready to believe that you deserve that hobby. That love of another person. That cup of coffee.

You have to believe in yourself as much as the rest of us believe in you. On this Valentine’s Day, it’s not just romantic love that can be celebrated. Let’s celebrate our love of who we are. If you don’t love who you are, this is your chance to change it.

A belief is only something we keep telling ourselves. A belief is only something you made up in your head. It is your choice to make up something positive or negative. It your move to make.

For me, I choose the positive. I choose water with aloe and feeding my body what it needs. I choose enjoying my hobbies and pushing my body and my mind past the limits I had previously set for myself. I choose success. I choose health. I choose love.

I have chosen to look at the bad things I have done in the past and to forgive myself for them. I have chosen to take responsibility of the things I have or have not done, and the hurt I may have caused others and myself. I have chosen to accept certain idiosyncrasies about myself that are not negative as I thought. I chose to change my situation, to change my outlook. I choose better.

Tonight .. I choose rock climbing! (You can keep your wine and roses)

What do you choose?

Joy and friends. By NUVO Photography
Joy and friends. By NUVO Photography

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