Khaos Crisis Management

Today I had my first experience with crisis management as the brand of “Merry Khaos”. It was not a pleasant feeling and I have to say that I hope I do not have to do anything like this again. It is a terrible feeling to know that someone was hurt or offended, especially when you are directly to blame.

On Sunday night, I attended the Black Rose Rollers’ intra-league bout as an Herbalife vendor. An intra-league bout is when a league splits up into ‘home teams’ and plays. Sometimes they are permanent teams that run year round (like Philly Roller Girls’ Broad Street Butchers) and sometimes they are fun teams that are created and then disbanded just for one night.

At the after party, I was wearing the hoodie of the league I recently left. A small girl, program in hand, approached my circle. She handed Briann Jam her program and a pen for her autograph, and then Slamorous. Then she looked at me, hesitant, and extended the program to me. It was extremely loud, so if she did say anything, I did not hear her. I thought the hesitation was because she did not know who I was. I thought she asked me because she didn’t want to miss any skaters, and she wasn’t sure who I was.

Versus Houston

Honestly, I have a heck of a time distinguishing skaters when they’re not in uniform! Some of the girls had changed into street clothes, so I figured she thought I was a Black Rose. I did not want to mislead her, and I did not want to ‘steal glory’ from their night. Aside from that, Harrisburg did not have any home bouts in the last 12 months that I had skated in. So, I told the girl that I didn’t skate; I could sign it, but I don’t think she wants me to. I am skating in the next bout though and I hope she likes me enough for me to sign that one.

She tilted her head at me and quietly left.

Today, I hear from friends in the league, that her father was posting nasty, passive aggressive statements on Facebook about stuck up derby girls who wouldn’t sign her daughter’s program. Turns out, she has been watching Harrisburg skate for a few years and she knew EXACTLY who I was. Oi.

I contacted the father and explained what happened, and though he was not happy he was satisfied with my reasoning. “You have to understand,” he said, “You’re a celebrity in this community. You have to know that everyone knows you.”

I wonder if Suzy Hotrod ran into this when Gotham was getting big?

I asked him for his address and his daughter’s name. I am going to be sending her an 8×10″ photo from this season, one of my favorites ever taken. I’m also going to include a personal note and an 8×10″ photo of the team that I happen to have. Maybe some stickers too.

On twitter, I got a mention from another BRR skater who was asking about the incident. So hours after I thought I had the issue solved, I had to re-address it. I hope I have responded in the proper manner. I got my Chobani coupons in the mail today, and I want to be as quick to fix this as they were.

The Excitement of Regionals

Regional action in roller derby is one of the most exciting times of the year. Four tournaments of the best skaters in the United States all crammed into a month. Watching Angel City, Wasatch, Rose City and Rocky Mountain (among others) this weekend is extremely inspirational. It makes me want to move and work out, but I don’t want to leave the laptop on which I am watching the tournament. So I created a workout to go along with it:

Along with the motivation I have found physically today, it makes me excited to Health Coach more individuals. The Big 5 Derbalife Challenge just started and I am still signing up individuals to partake in the contest. Top Derbalife coaches will be providing nutrition and workout help, while I will be providing weekly motivation and nutrition support. There’s a chance to win prizes for bettering your 25 lap time, as well as for the “Look Hotter in Your Hot Pants” contest.

For anyone looking for more information on the contest, or if you are interested in a Health Profile, do not be afraid to contact me at

Be well! Hit Hard! Go Rose City!

To watch “Bay of Reckoning” visit WFTDA.TV

**Does 10 push-ups**

Chobani’s quick response

I love Chobani. I have one every day as part of my low carb, low fat, high protein diet. Often, I will eat a plain flavor, but when I want a treat I reach for mango, passion fruit or (my favorite) blood orange.

Today, I found something in my blood orange Chobani. A sharp piece of plastic.



The piece is about as big as it looks .. not very. However, I couldn’t just let it go. So I took this photo and immediately tweeted @Chobani about it.

Then I set a timer.

Within 4 minutes and 30 seconds, a response was tweeted back to me with the proper e-mail address to send a message to. So I sent them a message with the photo. Then I set the timer.

Within 5 minutes, again, there was a response in my inbox. Extraordinary! Chobani truly is the Queen of Social Media and wins at “Best Public Relations Response Time”. They sent me specific instructions on what to do so they can check out their other lot complaints, and also will be sending me coupons.

(I’m not nuts about the fact that I have to send them a self-addressed stamped envelope, but you can’t win all the battles, right?)

So thank you, Chobani. I’m going to have a hard time with fruit on the bottom yogurt for a bit, but at least you’re trying to make it better.

Excuse-Free Zone

I’m really tired.

I just had coffee and it’ll upset my stomach.

I don’t have the right shoes.

It’s cold.

It’s hot.

I don’t have sunscreen.

There are a thousand reasons to not workout. Any creative mind can come up with 10 off the top of their head as to why working out at this moment is not going to happen. The excuses need to stop.

I know you are low energy. I know you don’t feel like it. However, a body at rest tends to stay at rest. It’s simple physics. If your body is used to moving, it will desire the exercise, the push and the sweat. If you have just begun your journey into healthy living, you may find days where you need to convince your body to get out of the chair and do those push ups.

Workout buddies are a great way to get you started with your workouts, but when it comes down to it: it’s all on you. You have to make the choice to go to Zumba, to run, to lift weights. Once you are there, it is your decision whether you will work hard or just get by. You are the one that must live with your effort. No one can burn the calories for you. No one can build the muscle for you.

Put in a solid, challenging workout and you will feel sore, yes but you will feel rewarded in the end. I joke that the best part of a good run is when it’s over, but it is not a complete joke. The post-run high that your body gets from the endorphins rushing through your body is indescribable. No drug, no video game can deliver the same effect.

Need some ideas of where to start? Youtube has a plethora of beginner workouts to get you on your feet and moving! Some of my favorites are posted by Bexlife:

Breaking the boundaries of food

Always I hear that eating healthy isn’t easy. It isn’t fun, and it isn’t delicious. However, there are plenty of great recipes out there that are just as wonderful as your favorite 1000 calorie meal. Sometimes, it’s just a matter of opening your perspective up and sometimes you have to … *GASP* try something new. Here are some of my favorite foods that have gotten a bad rep in the past. All the ways of preparing I’ve included here are easy enough for even me to complete them!


For too long, asparagus was presented to the public as sad, limpy masses of grey-green mush that we get from a can. With an overbearing level of salt and acrid flavor, it is no wonder that children grew up ‘knowing they hate asparagus’. Recentely, this wonderful vegetable is growing in popularity because of how beautifully packed with vitamin C, vitamin K and anti-oxidents they are. On top of that, fresh asparagus is downright tasty.

Instead of popping open a can of asparagus, buy it fresh! (If you can get it from a local market, that’s even better) My favorite way to cook asparagus takes three simple steps: Put on foil. Add a dash of sea salt & extra virgin olive oil. Put on grill. The result is a bright green, crunchy, sexy side dish.


Also known as ‘sweet potatoes’ (though the two are different… want to know how and why? Visit The Library of Congress for the answer), this is a seriously misunderstood tuber. Most people think of this food stuff as covered in sugar, syrup and marshmallow. However, I come to you with a different option.

Thanks to the health revolution, there have been more sweet potato fries and mash popping up in main stream food. Take your yams and slice them up (make sure you have a good, strong knife) and bake them. Put them in a glass pan with some olive oil, a pinch of sea salt and a splash of apple cider vinegar. Cover with foil. Bake for about 45 minutes, or until crispy. Everyone likes their fries to different levels of done-ness, so this ones on you.

Or, sautee them: use some olive oil, some sea salt. If you like the sweetness of your holiday yams, do discs of sweet potatoes. Begin by cooking them in olive oil. After they are not quite brown, flip them. Sprinkle some sea salt or herbs on this side. When the other side of the discs are browned properly, flip them again. On this side, sprinkle a little bit of brown sugar! Flip them again, just long enough to get that brown sugar to melt in. You have salty and sweet and healthy!

(Look at all that Vitamin K!)


Ground Turkey/Chicken


Let’s face it, for as much as good ground beef burger really hits the spot now and again, they are simply bad for us. No matter how hard we try to justify it, the calorie, fat and bad cholesterol count is just too much for a healthy body. However, subbing in ground turkey or chicken is a great way to get the textural quality of ground beef without the all bad stuff.

The hardest part about working with these products is that they do dry out quickly, because they are low in fat. When you cook it, make sure you cover your pans so that the moisture stays trapped. When making meatballs or burgers, use egg whites to help bind the meat together (yes, I know, the yolk… the fat.. is the binder. Trust me, the whites work pretty well too).

Use the ground beef in tacos, on salads or mixed into sauces. You’ll boost your protein without denting your saturated fat.

The First Week Completed

I have successfully completed my first week of my Senior year at Penn State Harrisburg.

Despite a considerably lighter load than past semesters, and more experience with the campus, I still feel a bit lost. In fact, this is the first semester that I do not feel completely in control by the end of the first day (much less the first week).

I am starting a new year, I have started a new job, I have started with a new derby team, I am newly performing with an improv troope and I have started a new sport. Everything is new, and yet there is so much to change and work with that is familiar (living situation, boyfriend, family). Some is good and some is a challenge. The trick will be to balance the demands of class, training and the new job. Especially in living conditions that are less than favorable to studying (ie no internet).

As this semester progresses I hope to become a better writer, a better student, a better comedian and a better athlete. (Not to mention a better person).

Follow my journey as I strive to lose more inches, gain more knowledge and drink 100 oz of water a day. This is Khaos. This is Kristie. This is my senior year.

Until my next senior year.