So I just realized that it’s been 20 days since I posted. INCONCIEVABLE! So here I am. My brain is at a point where it feels like it should be doing work, but it’s been DOING work all day and has run out of what it can do with real precision and effectiveness.
I have blogs to write and articles about Spring Roll that I have wanted to put up, and now the Northeast Derby Convention. They will come in a fuller form tomorrow or Friday however. I’m still waiting for more pictures… Nothing worse than a blog with no pictures.
So here is the brief rundown of what’s been going on in life, the universe and everything: both a lot and not much at all.
Roller derby, Herbalife and my future have been taking up all of my brain space. I am working on moving out of the place I am in now to a spot in Lititz (closer to Lancaster than I am now). The move is a new chapter in life: The closing of doors and the opening of others. I have been both extremely confused as well as supremely invigorated in the past few weeks.
Spring Roll was a hell of an experience.
I played a few of the hardest games of my life within a 48 hour period. Not only that, but I had a few revelations about how much pressure I put on myself in derby… how many assumptions I had made about my teammates that weren’t true. They didn’t NEED me to be anything. They just need me to play and to work hard. What happens from there, happens. A lot of tears and insecurities came out after my bout against the Chicago Outfit (who were awesome, btw).
By Sunday morning, my entire outlook was changed around. Confidence in my feet, my team and MYSELF really came out. I not only was able to accept, but also understand that no matter how much you may want something – sometimes relationship issues cannot be resolved. Sometimes, you can’t just say you’re walking away. You have to.
Not only did I play two games (better than I thought against two teams that were tougher than I imagined), but Sunday was where the friendships took shape. I had scouted out a bunch of the juniors and men’s teams on Friday and Saturday, but it was Sunday that I can say that I bonded with people. Doing push-ups with the Carolina Wreckingballs in my sports bra and Skinz for the Mass Maelstrom was one of the highlights. I’m hoping no one got a picture of it though – I was drenched after my game against Arch Rival and my abs are not exactly photo ready yet!
Getting to follow up those friendships the next weekend at Northeast DerbyCon was fantastic. Dutchland wasn’t able to stay for any of the crazy Spring Roll after-parties so it was nice to share a few pints with folks in Providence and relax a bit.
I will do a separate blog about the COMPLETE AMOUNT OF AWESOME at the convention tomorrow.
For now, I prepare for bed. I have upped my training. I have refocused my nutrition. Yes, again. Tomorrow I’ll try CrossFit for the first time. I’ve got deliveries of Herbalife goodies and I have to stop by 717 Tattoo to talk to a piercer about getting on a plan.
I do love what I do. I do love the life that I’m carving out for myself. Things can be rough sometimes, and I can be unsure of what is coming next, but I know that the next three months will be some of the most important of my life.
I’m getting all amped up thinking about being on a rock wall tonight.
Last weekend I got to attend the Frostbite Competition at Climbnasium in the no man’s land between Mechanicsburg and Carlisle, PA. Right after high school, I had discovered my love of climbing and for a while I was going 3 – 5 times a week.
I fell away from climbing when I let my life overwhelm me. I became more concerned with unhealthy pieces of life than the healthy ones. I made excuses: I cannot find the money, I cannot find the time, I don’t want to drive that far.
Honestly the reason was: I did not believe I was good enough to deserve having something in my life that I love.
Fast forward six years. I am a Health Coach. I’m 3.5 years deep into roller derby. I am in a relationship with a wonderful man that I’m hoping will let me stick around. I have a nice car. I have a great relationship with my family again. I am almost done school. I am allowing myself to be happy. I have come to realize that there is no such thing as “I don’t deserve”.
We are all worthy of happiness. We are all good enough. We tell ourselves otherwise because maybe we’re afraid of being happy on our own. Maybe we are embarrassed of where we are in our life. Maybe we had failed at something and we feel that we should be punished for it.
A punishment, simply for punishment’s sake, is unnecessary. All it does is make you feel more down about yourself. A punishment that furthers your goals – that can be beneficial. (For example, “I didn’t do my morning workout.” Don’t punish yourself by skipping a meal. Do a punishment of completing an evening workout and stay on the elliptical an extra 10 minutes.)
Know that you control your strength and your future. If you don’t believe you do, or if you just scoffed and said “Yea right. Nothing is in my control.” I completely understand. It’s very easy to be a victim to our circumstances. Don’t allow it. Change your mindset. Know that you are stronger than your situation. Decide to rise above it.
Does that mean taking a good, hard, honest look at yourself? Yes. Self-discovery is part of the long, hard road to success and changing your life. Step 1 is being able to say that you really want to change; that you’re really willing to commit to happiness and a positive mindset. You have to be ready to believe that you deserve that hobby. That love of another person. That cup of coffee.
You have to believe in yourself as much as the rest of us believe in you. On this Valentine’s Day, it’s not just romantic love that can be celebrated. Let’s celebrate our love of who we are. If you don’t love who you are, this is your chance to change it.
A belief is only something we keep telling ourselves. A belief is only something you made up in your head. It is your choice to make up something positive or negative. It your move to make.
For me, I choose the positive. I choose water with aloe and feeding my body what it needs. I choose enjoying my hobbies and pushing my body and my mind past the limits I had previously set for myself. I choose success. I choose health. I choose love.
I have chosen to look at the bad things I have done in the past and to forgive myself for them. I have chosen to take responsibility of the things I have or have not done, and the hurt I may have caused others and myself. I have chosen to accept certain idiosyncrasies about myself that are not negative as I thought. I chose to change my situation, to change my outlook. I choose better.
Tonight .. I choose rock climbing! (You can keep your wine and roses)
What do you choose?
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