The life and times of Merry Khaos and her alter-ego, Kristie Grey. A romp through the inner workings of a mind in roller derby athletics, training, and business management.
I love this class. I love this class so much, and I will submit it again next year! I hope that it gets on the schedule more than once, because everyone has a blast. The point of this class is to do something OTHER than derby in order to work on fundamental skills.
Many of us get White Jacket Syndrome when we practice plows, hockey stops, edging, etc at training sessions. We have our coaches watching. We want to impress them. We want to get on that next roster. We’re worried about the skills of the people around us compared to our own. These games take that out of the equation. This is great to mix skill levels into, because you’re taking derby out of the equation – so EVERYONE is learning at the same pace. Though advanced skating skills can definitely be an advantage, there is more than pure experience on skates involved for most of these games.
Ultimate Roller Derby Props needed: 2 balls larger than a baseball
Focus skills: Teamwork, communication, awareness, multitasking, periphery vision
This is the game closest to roller derby. Only with an Ultimate Frisbee twist.
Each jam is 2 minutes. Teams field the same players as usual, and we play on the derby track. Each team on the track has a ball. Players on that team must pass the ball THREE TIMES, successfully, between themselves in order to let their jammer try to leave the pack.
The ball must always be PASSED, not handed off and opposing players are allowed to block passes. If the ball hits the floor, or is caught by an opposing team member, the 3 count is reset. After 3 passes are successful, the jammer (and to make it more advanced, the jammer OR pivot) may attempt to break the pack. Your points are counted by how many times the jammer has left the pack.
So yes, when one team completes their passes, the other team should be trying to stop that jammer from leaving the pack!
Duck Duck GOOSE No props needed
Focus skills: Speed, agility, endurance, speed control
While you can play this game in the classic “everyone sit on the floor” way, I like it better when it’s moving.
Get your team into a pace line. I recommend doing this at a moderate speed for YOUR team (obviously London Roller Girls’ All Stars would be able to do this faster than a start-up league). The person at the back of the line goes first to make it easiest. As the advance up the pace line, they call out “duck” for those who are not chosen. When they decide that someone is the “goose” they complete a legal hit on that individual. That begins the race around the track back to the goose’s position in the line.
Beginner version: It does not matter who makes it back to the goose’s place first. The GOOSE is now IT, regardless. They drop to the back of the line and begin playing.
Advanced version: Whoever reaches the goose’s place in line successfully first (as in, they’re in the line and matching the line’s pace), are safe. The other person is now IT and drops to the back of the line to start playing.
I will run this until everyone has been chosen at least once.
DODGEBALL
Props needed: As many balls as you desire. I like to do 4-6 of varying sizes.
Skills: Footwork, avoidance, awareness
Level 1 –
Split your players into two teams. Place the balls in a line directly between the two groups. Blow a whistle to release them and let the dodgeball commence!
Note: I had an interesting thing happen this year during this game. One team hung at the very back of the ‘engagement zone’ because they realized the balls wouldn’t fly that far. If you have players not participating in this way, don’t be afraid to shorten the boundaries they must stay within.
Level 2 –
No one is on a team. Every person is on their own team. Have all the skaters line up at one end (or you can split them into two ends). Those on the sideline each take a ball. The players are told that when the first ball hits the ground, they are released!
You can either play this to the end, or do it until there are 3-5 players left. These players step to the side and then you play another round. Eventually you do a “championship” round!
SOCCER Props needed: A net, or other boundary marker for the two goals. An empty water gallon jug (you may want to have multiples for back-ups).
Skills: Footwork, edging, stops, avoidance, awareness, teamwork, short endurance
This is exactly what it sounds like: you play soccer on roller skates, but you use a gallon jug instead of a soccer ball (the jug does not roll the same way, so it makes the game actually playable).
Level 1 – NON CONTACT!
Level 2 – Legal contact
Feel free to have refs around to regulate things like low blocks, back blocks, illegal contact, and hand balls (it is soccer after all).
I play 5 v 5 and let the rounds go for 4 minutes OR until a team has scored 2 goals in that period. Then you switch out.
Blood and Thunder. King of the Mountain. Queen of the Rink. Last Man Standing. There are a ton of names for it, but in derby most of us have played the game where we all get on the track and hit the snot out of each other until one person remains. This is a version of that.
Everyone starts skating, and when told to go, the carnage begins. When a skater is knocked down or goes out of bounds – they are out. In this version, do NOT have them stay on the track unless you have advanced skaters. You can also have refs calling penalties, and if anyone commits a penalty, they are also out.
With this version, when two skaters connect, if NEITHER skater goes out or down, than BOTH of them must flip to begin skating the opposite direction. Every skater will always skate DERBY direction, it’s just a matter of whether they are forward or backward. You should have people on the outside reminding skaters to spin around when contacted. There’s always one that just doesn’t understand/remember that they have to flip around whenever someone touches them.
This is another game that I like stopping each round when there are 3 people left, so that you can do several rounds, ending in a Championship.
MUSICAL CONES Props Needed: As many cones (minus one) as you have people playing.
Skills: Stops, speed, awareness
Every person playing gets a cone, except for one person. Each person should place the cone on the inside or outside edge of the track. The person in charge decides what stop the round will focus on. You can do an entire game of ONE stop, if you want.
Everyone starts skating at pack speed. When the person in charge decides, they blow the whistle and everyone must get to a cone and use the stop APPROPRIATELY and without falling or advancing past the cone. If they are unsuccessful, a ref or wrangler should call them out and they must go to the NEXT cone and try it again.
Follow me on Facebook: Facebook.com/MerryKhaos1918
Twitter: @DerbyAmerica
Instagram: @Khaos24Fit
And if your league is looking for coaches and trainers, drop me a message at DerbyAmerica@gmail.com – DNA Coaching is currently booking boot camps and sessions and we’d love to talk to your league!
During Blood and ThunderSliding out during Musical ConesDuring Blood and Thunder
It has given us the power to stay behind a keyboard and throw hurtful words and opinions without the repercussion of seeing the emotion of the receiving end. Then we have our mainstream media, who like to shove images down our throats of ‘perfection’.
Ok, so let’s think this through. Mainstream media wants us all to be thin and encourages a culture of FAT SHAMING – if someone is overweight then they are looked on differently than others and even the media eye captures them differently. Think of the plot points of “The Truth About Cats and Dogs” or “Drop Dead Diva”. The ‘unattractive’ character was slightly heavier than her counterpoint. (That being said, media seems to equate weight with intelligence – especially based on these two examples so I guess it’s not possible to be thin and smart).
Not really seeing the “ugly” in this character…
Right, so Fat Shaming on social media has been huge over the years; especially when it comes to the faceless, uneducated masses taking on celebrities or athletes that are not their vision of ideal. Need examples? Go search #FatShamingWeek to see a hodgepodge of the satire and serious.
Recently I have noticed a shift.
We are so over-reactionary now about someone who might possibly be “fat shaming” someone else, that social media has taken another ugly turn into FIT SHAMING.
What is Fit Shaming?
Ever had a friend make a declaration of positive change on Facebook only to be met with their ‘friends’ telling them they’re doing things wrong, they look fine, or not to worry about what the scale says? This is the surface.
Remember this controversy?
The internet went ablaze at this physically fit woman who was making a point. The blasted her for fat shaming, and, in turn, they were FIT shaming. “How dare you exercise when you have three kids?” But that was her point – anyone can find an excuse to not be fit and healthy. She did not find excuses and, despite having three children, here she is: trim, healthy and able to fully enjoy the lives of her sons.
Since I’m on a roll of past media explosions of fit shaming, let’s go with this one:
Watch out. Here is another irresponsible woman who is lifting weights. (Oh and she happens to be pregnant.) “Crossfit Mom” stirred the waters of Fit Shaming when photos of her clean and jerk started circulating the amongst the trolls of the internet. Though she stated that she was cleared by her doctor for exercise, and her weights were low, the fit shamers needed to let her know that she was a horrible person. Let’s also remember that she had been on a Crossfit routine for a long time before her pregnancy. She didn’t take up lifting when she found herself 7months pregnant.
Alright, now let’s move into some personal experiences I’ve had.
Everyone knows that I’m an Herbalife Health Coach. I have a lot of friends that utilize healthy eating programs like I do, in combination with exercise. Do things go astray sometimes? Yes. Do we have to recommit once in a while? Yes.
In the past 2 days I have seen 3 separate instances of good friends of mine (some on Herbalife, some not) being shamed about their decision to become healthier.
I understand that the friends who were commenting thought they were coming from a good place. When looking deeper at some of the comments, I realized there was a lot of projection going on.
“Don’t do that. It’s a diet. It’s a fad. You’re just going to fail.”
“I used to be an athlete and I know you’re doing it wrong.”
“You look fine. Just keep doing what you’re doing.”
“Herbalife is a hoax, you’re going to get fat.”
“You work out a lot. You don’t need to change your eating.”
How dare you portion your meals and have a delicious shake?
Right, so those comments are just abridged versions of what I have gotten from a handful of social media sites from my friends’ pages. I also had a friend from Philly post a status about the negativity she’s been feeling ever since she rebooted her program. Not cool. I have been on my journey for over 10 years now. I have endured a lot of hurt and anger over what people have said to me. Here’s a sampling:
“You workout too much.”
“You’re obviously anorexic.”
“Stop exercising. You’re going to hurt yourself.”
“It’s weird that you take that many vitamins”
“You’re being selfish.”
[on a picture of a healthy meal] “Gross. Can’t you put chocolate on that to make it taste good?”
“Muscles are ugly”
“No one will marry you if you lift weights, they’ll all think you’re scary.” (This is why I have my #StrongIsSexy tag)
“You’re stupid for drinking so much water. You don’t need that much.”
“You’re stupid for eating so much protein.”
“You’re getting dyke-ey.”
Photo by Down N Out
“You should be working, not working out.”
“You make me feel lazy.”
“You’re obsessed.”
“You’re too intimidating.”
I’ve also been tagged in many photos of unhealthy habits where the other party seems to be BRAGGING about the unhealthy meal. And when I have put up messages about joining my healthy journey, I have gotten remarks about “Can I do it and eat Oreos?” and other comments along those lines.
Should I keep going? It’s hard to go back through the memory banks and pull these out. I end up commenting on threads and conversations that I should probably stay out of because I don’t want any of my friends to hear these words from people they love and respect. No one should be told that their healthy choice is bad. No one should feel like wanting more energy and life is an insult to others.
Again, sometimes it is meant to come from a place of caring and support, but our phrasing is wrong. I know that I have a very bad reaction whenever someone tells me about the great juice diet they’re about to do for 45 days. No one is perfect, but we need to have an awareness of our words and feelings.
These negative comments come from a place of self-doubt, lack of self-confidence, inability to look at oneself to make healthy changes, or even from a simple misunderstanding of what a healthy lifestyle looks like. Those around us will look at what we are doing and see what they are NOT doing, become defensive, and sometimes go on the attack. The projection ends up on our social media and in passive aggressive conversation in day to day life. It happens all the time, and we are ok with it. Fat shaming is not acceptable, but FIT shaming happens just as often, we just haven’t put the spotlight on it yet.
**Disclaimer: If you have a friend that seriously is not eating, has dropped an unhealthy amount of weight in a short period of time, or has a tendency to go from 0 to 120 mph on things, it’s ok to express your concern. Before you approach them with: “You’re doing this wrong”, ask them questions about what they’re doing and why. I guarantee that every human will be less defensive about your feelings if you come to them from a place of understanding, instead of a place of attacking.
So the next time your friend posts that they’re going to CrossFit for the first time, or that they are starting a running routine, or that they have a goal to lose 20 pounds – encourage them. Support them in public. Ask questions about what they’re doing and what made them go for it. If you’re already healthy, help them along the way. If you are not in a super healthy lifestyle, and you feel indignant, incredulous or any other negativity towards the idea of what your friend is doing, that’s fine. You’re allowed to have those feels. That is your choice, but do not spread the negativity and resentment onto the rest of us simply because your choice is not our choice.
For those of us in this world that are combating the negativity of loved ones on an already difficult journey, keep pushing forward. Life will continue to hit you with obstacles. You are stronger. When you are past all of it and can look back on the journey, you’ll be very glad you did not listen to the naysayers.
Khaos Theory Derby 