strength – Page 4 – Khaos Theory Derby

7 habits that have gotten me healthy

I have changed a lot about my habits in the last 15 years. There is a lot that has resurfaced from the years of being a young, naïve tomboy in middle school (competition and weight lifting in particular). And there is a lot I have had to release over the years. Here are seven things about me that have significantly altered my physical energy, my spiritual strength and my overall positive outlook on life. As I was writing this, I realized I could have made a list of 20 things! I’m sure you’ll hear more in the future.

Befores and afters. ^_^ (and still going)

1) I eat protein for breakfast

“But Kristie! Oatmeal is so good for me!”

O rly? What I have found is that when I start my day with a high protein breakfast, one balanced with complex carbs and some fat, I have considerable energy throughout the day. When I eat oatmeal, cereal or breakfast potatoes I find that I am sluggish, hungry quicker and have a hard time firing on all cylinders at work. It is because even your “steel cut oats” are still oats. They spike your blood sugar and they do not keep you full.

What does this breakfast look like? Ideally it is an Herbalife breakfast shake – recently it’s been 2 scoops of Formula 1 Sport, ½ cup of pasteurized egg whites and maybe some PB2 for fun. If I know I’m running around a lot during the day, I’ll save the shake for later and I’ll start out with 2 eggs, a 1/3 cup of pasteurized egg whites, sautéed spinach, onion, broccoli and tomato.

2) I get dressed as soon as I wake up

Yes, for as much as I try and live in the comfiest clothes possible, I have found that if I wake up and toddle around in my PJs for too long, I become lethargic and my to do list stays as long as it was the night before. By staying in the mode of sleep wear, I have given my body permission to remain in sleep mode. No more permission granted!

Get up, get dressed, have breakfast, wash your face, do stuff.

If I don't get up and get moving, this happens. Then I really feel stuck. — If I don’t get up and get moving, this happens. Then I really feel stuck.

3) I reserve bananas pre-workout only (if at all)

More and more people are catching on that bananas are not the super fruit we once thought. High in sugar and low in protein, these little bombs of energy are fantastic for before a workout, but are a culprit in keeping you hungry and padded when eaten before a long day at the office. And while good for potassium and fiber, there are 6 electrolytes total that effect cramping. If you are chowing down on bananas Charlie horses go away, you very much need to take a look at the rest of your diet. My dehydration migraines have stopped now that I incorporate all the electrolytes into my diet, along with drinking at least half my body weight in ounces of water each day. The 24 Hydrate by Herbalife has been a lifesaver.

4) I eat until bed time.

Yup. Your body doesn’t actually care what time it is. By saying “I’m not going to eat after 7p” and then staying up until 11p, all you have done is slowed your metabolism and hurt your recovery – especially the athletes in the crowd. If you do a workout that finishes at 11p, then you need to eat afterwards. It’s one of the strongest changes I’ve made. That being said, keep away from the simple carbs within four hours of bed time since your body won’t be able to burn them off before bed.

These athletes at Big Bear know that we need to eat until sleep!

5) I rarely step on a scale, and I only do measurements every 60 days.

It’s ok to not know where your body is moment to moment. I know that I am much happier feeling healthy and strong and not being concerned if I weigh 138 or 144. Do my pants fit? Do I feel strong during practice? Am I faster than other people? Did my squat max go up? These are the questions I hit myself with. It is good to track your metrics so that you know what your progress looks like and you can re-evaluate every 90 days, but our body fluctuates too much day to day to use a daily weigh in as a gauge. I have seen friends drive themselves crazy over this. It causes stress, which then feeds right into keeping the weight on. It’s a cycle. Don’t feed into it.

There was a time where this high-waist pencil skirt was too tight on me.

6) I realized that I eat mostly the same things every day, so I may as well make them healthy.

Before my journey began, I used phrases like “Variety is the spice of life”, “Diets are boring” and “I live to eat, not eat to live.” And then one day I realized that all I was doing was making excuses for myself and my habits. And then the next day I realized that I was repeating my meals every week anyway. I always had something egg-based for breakfast, I always had a sandwich or salad for lunch, I always had a protein with some carbs and veggies for dinner. (Back then I also always had 2 cherry sodas a day, a few soft pretzels and candy bars as snacks.)

If you can recognize that you’re really not as chefy as you like to think you are, you can tighten down easier on a schedule of healthy eating that is nourishing, promotes your goals and saves you money (now that I know what I want at the grocery store, there is no need to randomly pick up ingredients “Just in case”).

Also, shakes for meals are not nearly as scary as I thought when I first heard about them. Mostly because my shakes don’t come out of a metal can, I’m full afterwards and they taste RIDICULOUS. Also, when you’re eating 5 – 9 times a day (like athletes should), it’s a whole lot easier to scoops, shake, drink than it is to make 8 individual meals.

7) I include workouts that are mental exercises.

Yoga and running are most specifically what I have worked on, though rock climbing and speed skating are another set of mental challenges.

I hated running. Hated it. Railed against it and refused to believe that it could help me (secretly, I knew it would, I just hated the way it felt because I was so out of shape). I will never forget running my first mile alongside of Eric Winters on the track of Mechanicsburg High School; technically I was his pole-vault coach, but he gave me the single greatest lesson of my life as the ex-boyfriend turned best friend:

Your body will do amazing things, if you just ask it to.

Conquering workouts that we hate means that we must overcome our self-doubt, our mind’s will to sabotage and we must release all of the excuses we have made in the past. Yoga, running, climbing, speed skating, cross-country skiing… there is quiet control and a zen-like state that must be achieved for success. You must connect to your breathe, to your soul, to the Universe’s will around you.

Bouldering is so much fun, and a true mental challenge - you know.. when you're not posing for a camera — Bouldering is so much fun, and a true mental challenge – you know.. when you’re not posing for a camera

Warrior 2 on the edge of a cliff on the way to Big Bear.

Pro Tips: Set an intention at the beginning of the session. “Focus”, “Awareness”, “Precision”, “Fearlessness” are all excellent intentions. When it begins to get hard (and it will), repeat this to yourself. Also, I like to visualize something that I connect with that calms me. The giant manta ray that I would watch float towards me in the vastness of Atlantis’s aquarium in the Bahamas comes to mind when I am running and my breath gets ragged. I picture the calm beating wings to gather myself and then keep going.

To start on your journey with me as your coach, drop me an e-mail at KGreyActiveNutrition@gmail.com and follow me on Instagram and Twitter @Khaos24Fit

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Big Bear Clarity

Big Bear, California.

I have to be honest, until I booked the plane ticket I didn’t even know where Big Bear was. I had associated with (don’t laugh Next Wave people) COLORADO. There was snowboarding and big mountains in the photos … it had to be in Colorado, right? California doesn’t have mountains like that! (Geography student FAIL)

Last February Kristen Adolfi qualified for Big Bear and I saw all these photos of one hundred Herbalifers on the same team in these amazing mansions in the mountains – they were drinking healthy cocoa and becoming friends and getting a boost for their business. All I kept hearing was “This is awesome. This is so amazing.” And I made the choice that I would be there in February 2014.

So I qualified.

I found out I qualified only about a month or so before I had to be there. So the plane ticket was booked, I realized my geographical mistake and I realized that 2 major goals of 2014 was going to be checked off the list: Visit California. Qualify for something huge.

This year we only had 24 people qualify and what you had to accomplish was different (though still challenging) and what it did is that it really brought the NEXT WAVE of leaders in the Addy Organization together (Jill and Mark Addy are my AMAZING upline). So instead of being overwhelmed by 100 people I’ve never met, which may have caused me to hide in a corner and not talk to anyone, there were only 20 people I didn’t know and we all got to be friends.

Hiking. Pool. Table Tennis. Food. Shakes. Even some wine. Lumberjack Fit Club. Hot Tub. Team call from the hot tub. Olympics.

I ended up being the Fire-Tenderer because for some reason this weekend, my fear of flames subsided and my excessive need for warmth took over. I also did Warrior Pose on the edge of a drop off this weekend with Krissy Krash- and for anyone who knows me, you know I have a pretty crippling FEAR of heights. I felt it start to go away now. Maybe before it just came from my complete lack of balance…

This weekend really solidified why I work with Herbalife. It’s not just for the energy I get from my nutrition plan. Not just for the amazing way I feel after I drink my shake. It’s not just because I can set my own hours, make full time money with part-time hours or because it’s a great excuse to be fit.

No.

It’s because of the relationships I get to build and the friendships I get to create. I get to work with my best friends and I get to have best friends from every part of the world and I love it. I get to help people change their lives. I get to help people live stronger and longer. I get to help people be healthy and independent. And through doing that, I get to live stronger and longer. I get to be financially independent. I get to teach and I get to be taught. BY MY FRIENDS. I get to dream about all the things that I can accomplish with my friends.

And I can’t wait to meet my new friends in the upcoming years. Who don’t I know yet who will be like Andrea Wright? Teri Bossard? Amber Butyn? These are ladies who I didn’t meet in person before they began their nutrition plan and now I can’t imagine not having them influence my life. They are the reasons I push on and I keep doing what I’m doing.

I’m going to continue my dream of coaching and training roller derby leagues (I’m booking now, actually). I’m going to start inviting people to work out with me when I’m in Baltimore (and when I’m anywhere else). This weekend in Big Bear with new friends who are all starting out their dreams like me – it made me realize that affirmations are amazing and useful. But only if you start doing the work. So now is the time to stop making excuses and start doing the work. Keep your eyes peeled! It’s time to DO stuff and BE awesome.

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Misadventures in Recovery

Every time I start to get comfortable with the idea of going on a temporary hiatus, I watch roller derby and then convince myself that I can stretch my time for a little longer before my pause. Thank you for making my decision more difficult, Nashville & Madison. This bout at Ashville’s Division 1 playoff has been an awesome way to wake up on Saturday!

Now your next question might be, “Wait, what? Temporary hiatus?”

Life happens, sometimes folks. And so do injuries. I’ve been dealing with knee pain since last October (and to be fair, my doc thinks that the injury I received against Philly is not the same as I incurred when I sprinted into a gopher hole during softball practice). The further I get into physical therapy, and the more we don’t see long term improvement, the less hopeful I am that it can be solved with just nutrition, exercise and patience.

To give you an idea of what I’ve been dealing with – extend your right leg completely. First of all, I have only recently been able to do that. When I do, and when I extend it fully as I walk, there is pain. What kind? Well the spot is just south of my kneecap, on the inside of the leg, and each time I step, it feels like someone is digging a blunt screwdriver into it. When I walk fully (striking on the heel, rounding to the big toe with full leg extension) it feels like a nail and then the blunt screwdriver.

If I stand with all my weight in my heel, it feels like the joint gets “heavy” and everything inside and around my knee cap aches with a dull pain. Every now and again, I’ll be walking and I will experience a pop on the outside of my right knee – I acquaint it to the plucking of a guitar string. This is the flare up some of you have heard me talk about. After a flare up, I cannot straighten or bend my leg for about 5 minutes, and can put zero weight on it.

My flare ups have been improving. The intense pain used to last hours, or days. Now it’s less than a few minutes and I’m fine again. It used to be that I couldn’t straighten my leg for weeks. Now it’s an hour. That being said, there is no rhyme or reason to them. I have had a flare up while demonstrating 180 toe stops, while standing up on my wheels, while bringing myself down off of a bank track, while jogging and kicking the edge of a sidewalk, while sprinting and falling into a gopher hole, while jogging to first base, while walking to the bathroom, while laying down watching a movie.

I have been playing with the idea for a little while now of taking next year off of competitive play to focus on my Derbalife business and to heal up a bit. It’s so hard to make that full commitment to non-competition. If I need to have surgery, than I will be off skates for a while regardless. It is hard to voluntarily say, “I’m taking myself off skates pre-surgery”. I’m really struggling with it.

The plan is to transfer to Charm City. I want to try out for the All Stars (because, c’mon! it’s the Charm City All Stars!! I’ve looked up to that team since I began skating). But for the sake of my body, mind and business I may just aim for B-team and home teams for the majority of 2014. I am hopeful that I can focus on Harm City Homicide for 2014. I am hopeful that I can find the money for an MRI and, past that, surgery.

Harrisburg Area Roller Derby Nuclear Knockouts v Charm City Female Trouble - October 2010. — Harrisburg Area Roller Derby Nuclear Knockouts v Charm City Female Trouble – October 2010.

Even if I hang my skates up, it will not be a permanent retirement. I still haven’t skated at a Divisional playoff. I have a goal of skating at Champs one day as well. It will be realized. It will happen.

Head up. Keep moving. I will do what I can in the meantime and constantly be analyzing and evaluating. There are two more Blitz bouts this season and I just don’t know whether I should push through them. I can’t help but wonder if my team would be better if I just stepped away now so that they can work together without me getting in the way.

I mean - Have I even been an asset this season? Photo by Hispanic Attack from ECDX 2013 — I mean – Have I even been an asset this season?
Photo by Hispanic Attack from ECDX 2013

How do you make a decision of what to do when you have no idea what is wrong? How do you make a choice when you have no idea when you’ll be able to fix it? Anyone want to start a GoFundMe to help me with my MRI or surgery costs? Anyone want to book me for some boot camps to help me pay for my MRI and surgery costs?

I know in the end I will be stronger. I know a year from now, everything will look different. However, I am so hyper focused on the next two months that it feels impossible to see 12 into the future. I will be pumping some personal development into my skull and continually evaluating my position in life, work and roller derby.

Encouraging words are always appreciated. And thank you for keeping up with my misadventures in recovery. At least my nutrition has kept me peppy through all of it.. #Herbalife #FTW

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New Shred Challenge Just Started!!

New Shred Challenge kicks off on Monday, August 5th!! $27 to register!!

– challenge ends monday, 9/12
– 2 winners best before & after
– 2 male & 2 female
– win cash money!! last challenge 4 winners won $225 EACH!!!!! cash pot was at $1,000!!!!!
– private FB Group page for support & inspiration
– $100 bonus challenge to person with most points by end of challenge. Or split if its a tie. Could be anyone! Bonus challenges are meant to inspire & encourage you to be more active
– earn 5 points/person towards the bonus challenge if you get a NEW person to do the challenge with you. They could not have been someone that was already in the past challenge we did! Goal is to go beyond $1000 cash pot!!
– weekly nutrition & fitness topics, recipes, etc.
– MUST be on an herbalife nutrition program. this is an herbalife challenge! what do you have to lose to be on a program for 6wks??? CAUTION – RESULTS may happen!
– anyone in any city/state can participate. We had people from the east coast, canada, hawaii, etc that participated last month!!!

How 2 register:
– Send registration to sheila via www.paypal.com to kilaro34@yahoo.com. In NOTES section, put your name, phone, email, coach/person that invited you! Then forward/email your receipt to your coach/mentor/person so they can add you to the FB Group page.
– email your front, side view pic in daylight lighting in a picture collage form with the date to sheila.healthandfitness@gmail.com

Congrats to our last challenge winners:

FEMALES: $225 each
Kristen Adolfi
Calyn Dannenberg

MALES: $225 each
Matt Whittaker
Eric Pattillo

Bonus Challenge Winners; $50 each
Theresa Miller
Eric Pattillo

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Lucky Little Miracle Mile

Music is such an amazing outlet. Whether it is playing, or just yelling along to the lyrics as we drive (check out the song “Open Road Song” by Eve 6 for an excellent musical tale about doing just that) – music is a release. Music can get the message out to others that we are too shy to express. (“Mix Tape” from Avenue Q anyone?) And while not every song lyrically reflects my feelings as of late, some of them are just fun to dance along to. Like track one.

I’ve decided to share with you my newest mix CD. Yes. I still make mix CDs. Stop laughing, please. I always name my disc with a mix of names from the album. So here is the disc I am now singing at FULL VOLUME. Want to know me better, check out the music. There are themes of confusion, betrayal, jealousy, triumph, love, confidence, understanding, sex, defiance, strength, aspirations, miscommunication, nostalgia; just to scratch the surface.

Lucky Little Miracle Mile Mix:

Harlem – New Politics
Pain –Jimmy Eat World
Kill Your Heroes – AWOLNATION
Little Talks – Of Monsters and Men
Cough Syrup – Young the Giant
Safe and Sound – Capital Cities
Miracle Mile – Cold War Kids
HarderBetterFasterStronger – Daft Punk
Tiptoe – Imagine Dragons
Fresh Blood – Eels
Get Lucky – Daft Punk (feat. Pharrell Williams)
Royals – Lorde
Wake Up – AWOLNATION
Changing – Airbourne Toxic Event
Mr. Brightside – The Killers
Feeling This – Blink 182
Bleeding Out – Imagine Dragons
Uninvited – Alanis Morissette

Photo by Rick Odell. The songs on this CD will help me focus into even MORE of a beast.

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Atlantic Coast Derbalife Domination: Week 2!

Well, I’m on day #14. Officially 2 weeks of travel, training, coaching, vending and derby. There have been ups and downs, it’s absolutely true. It looks like my time in New England is going to come to an end quicker than anticipated, so Friday or Saturday I will be heading back to the New Jersey/Philadelphia area. (So if your team practices Friday and you’re looking for a guest coach let me know!)

This last 7 days have been pretty intense. What has really helped is having a home base since Saturday. MikeOpathic and Wife-Opathic have been amazing hosts for me. They have the comfiest couch I’ve ever slept on and have been gracious enough to let me put my Herbalife on their counter and a few of my beers in their fridge. Their cat, Socks, looks like my Wesley and has the temper of Abbey, but it’s ok.

I’ve gotten to do 2 outdoor skates (one with the Opathics and a 30 mile adventure with another Viking, Jack Hammer’d), I’ve coached three leagues (Mass Attack, Worcester and Bay State) and tonight I’m going to a co-ed scrimmage hosted by Mass Maelstrom.

The struggle this week has been to balance my eating with not being at home, my work with an unusual schedule and my knee after it popped during a demo at Mass Attack.

I will say this however: when my injury first started occurring and my knee would ‘pop’. I would be down and out for 2 weeks. Now, it pops and I’m back up in 10 minutes. Seriously. I ungeared at Mass Attack and by the time I was done taking my stuff off, I could put full weight on it. The next day I could straighten it completely. The day after that I had full range of motion again. Is it tender? Yea. But no more than it was before it popped.

Worcester Roller Derby are doing good stuff — Mass Attack Roller Derby are doing good stuff

Hell yes, good nutrition. While my first week on the road was not stellar for my protein count and vitamin intake, I have been really strict with myself this week. Vitamins and Herbalifeline, a shake a day minimum, at least 100g of protein and plenty of water. Boom. Injuries cannot stand in my way!!!

On the Derbalife front, I am trying to get the men of derby to pay attention, but getting them on my side is difficult. I believe it may simply be because they think I cannot possibly know what they need – since I’m a lady. So, I’m taking a new approach at Men’s Derby …

Hey men on wheels! Let me replace products you use already with the Herbalife equivalent for one month. See if you’re into what we have to offer. Whether it’s a pre-workout, post-workout, your Monster, your Gatorade, your Clif Bars or your vitamins: I have something for you. What have you got to lose?

Getting amped up for Rollercon too. A lot of details are still up in the air, but I am optimistic as always! Also, I will be heading to the Mohawk Valley Cup in a few weeks as a vendor for a men’s derby tournament.

Finally…. It’s happening folks. Team Rogue will ride again!! We are going to be playing the Penn Jersey Hooligans on September 29^th on the bank track. It’s a double header that night, and guess what else is amazing? I get to play both bouts. I will be making my debut on the PA All-Star team that night as we take on the Penn Jersey She Devils. It’s going to be wicked. If you are anywhere near Philly, you have got to come to this!

Finally … if you are a Derbalife athlete with a health result or a before/after picture, we at Derbalife want you to be a part of our revamped website! Have you stopped using your inhaler? Cut down your lap time? Lost weight? Gained weight? Become the top jammer? Become the strongest blocker? Send Derbalife@gmail.com your story, derby name, league and who your coach is. Also include a photo of you (or a before/after if you have it!). We need testimonials from Derbalife Coaches as well!

If you are a Derbalife athlete going to a Divisional tournament, mention that in your message – we have swag for our tournament skaters. E-mail Derbalife@gmail.com with your name, league, which divisional and who your Derbalife coach is to reserve your swag.

Phew. That was a much longer update than intended. I hope you all are enjoying my updates. I may do another entry later on tonight or tomorrow. For now… Happy skating!!

At CrossFit Collective doin' work — At CrossFit Collective doin’ work

If you are interested in getting hooked up with Derbalife, or if your league is looking for a Derbalife Boot Camp opportunity, drop me a line at DerbyAmerica@yahoo.com!

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Weakness, doubt, fear, beauty, courage, power

Even the strongest of us have weak moments.

Even those of us who train hard and crave power and strength have times where we wonder why we work so hard. Is that extra rep worth it? Is that extra lifting session going to change anything?

Even we who struggle to change the discourse of beauty, and strive to shift the world’s gaze on women wonder if we’re beautiful. Does he not like me more because I’m not a skinny model? Am I too boyish to be seen with in public? Would he talk to me more if my cup size was bigger? Would he want to be my boyfriend if I was pretty like that other girl? Would he be less ashamed if I was more timid?

Even when confidence is at its peak and we know we can conquer the world, that voice in our head tries to belittle us. You can’t do it. You won’t do it. Look at you failing. You’re about to fail. No one wants you. No one trusts you. You’re defective. You won’t get it right. You’re making the wrong choices again. You’ll always be a failure. You’ll always lose. You’ll always be alone. You’re not girlfriend material. You’re too dumb. Too lazy. Too ugly. Too slow. Too clumsy. Too weak.

When every doubt comes at us with the speed and force of a bullet train, we must overcome.

We must trust ourselves to make the right decision when a new situation arises.

We must believe that we are greater than our fears.

We must persevere in the face of failure and doubt.

We must understand that we are desirable and beautiful. That the last rep is worth it. That our speed is greater than our mind can comprehend. That our passion is worthy.

And we must know that if the rest of the world doesn’t see that now, one day they will. That day, when we join the Giants we have been stretching for all of our lives? That will be the sweetest day we have ever known. At least, until we reach the next marker.

Strength and courage. Maybe I'm not the prettiest, or the thinnest; I'm not the strongest or the fastest either. I am me. And this I am working on accepting fully. — Strength and courage. Maybe I’m not the prettiest, or the thinnest; I’m not the strongest or the fastest either. I am me. And this I am working on accepting fully. Thank you Quick Draw Photography for the photo

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Drink the Kool Aid

For a few years now I have heard of this phenomenon called “CrossFit”. I was first introduced to the concept when the Black Rose Rollers (in … their second season perhaps?) struck a sponsorship deal with their local gym and begin training.

I’ll admit – I was instantly jealous.

I would see photos of my friends dead lifting and squat pressing alongside a guide and I wanted in. I didn’t care how. There was a piece of me that knew then that I needed to be a part of the movement.

But I wasn’t. I continued on doing my own thing. Slowly, more and more of my friends and derby-colleagues began partaking in CrossFit. People became obsessed with it; outsiders called them crazy. I understood the obsession – I have been skating for 4 years for a reason. From the outside I look crazed and obsessed. From the inside: how could you not be a part of this world?

Then, with any popular craze, the haters came in.

“It’s dangerous.” “You’ll ruin your body.” “They’re all about speed, not about form.”

And there was a part of me that believed them. I knew that there were competitions for CrossFit, and I heard so many negative comments about speed vs form, that I just started to believe them. It didn’t dull my desire to do CrossFit, but it just made me leery.

Then my team mate, the undeniably strong Russian Bayou, began her sessions. I asked her about it a lot (hopefully not too much); I was just so curious to know what it was about. How was it with her knee? Do they work with you? Is it all speed?

((There are times where I wonder if Bayou just wants me to stop talking to her because I get super excited (like a small yappy dog) and just ask questions.)) Through Bayou, and other league mate’s interest in her training and advancement, Dutchland was able to land a sponsorship with our local CrossFit: CrossFit Collective.

YEEEEEEEEEEEESSSSSSSSSSSS

My meniscus is pinched.

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Ok, fast forward. This week I went to my first two sessions of CrossFit. Friends across the country were stoked that I was finally going to “drink the kool aid”. I was finally going to see why they love it.

Yea. I totally get it.

"Portrait of the day after CrossFit" — “Portrait of the day after CrossFit”

This isn’t a gym where you walk in and are left to your own devices to sweat or not sweat as you please. This is a place to advance. To push past every boundary your mind has ever set for itself. It is a place to make the weak, strong; and to make the strong, invincible.

The speed aspect? Some of the workouts have time limits. So in my first session, we had a superset of 1) Farmer’s Carries 2) 6 burpies and then 3) 6 wall balls from the side, both sides. So you would do 1, 2, 3 in succession. The goals was to do 5 rounds of them OR you stop when 10 minutes hits. With 80 pounds for my farmer’s carries and a 10 pound medicine ball, I was able to do the 5 sets in just under 9 minutes.

Not bad for my first day.

We used the bar and we got to experience the cardio/plyo/weight training of my dreams.

Now today … we did dead lifts. Ok, I got that. Jesse Blames taught me awesome form. (THANK YOU, JESSE BLAMES!!! ALL THE KNOWLEDGE FROM YOUR SESSIONS HAS BEEN INVALUABLE!!) Then we went outside.

Sled pushes. Tire flips. Teams.

Me and Jocie, Incollision and Tot Annie were pairs on the same team. As we flipped, they pushed. Each pair had to push the sled to the end of the lot and back 4 times; as they pushed the sled, we were to flip the tire. There was grunting, groaning, dirt, swearing, crying and a nearly dehydrated team member. We completed the 8 laps in 21:20. Our group did a total of 154. Jocie and I did about 110 on our own. My fingers haven’t hurt like this since my climbing days. My biceps have NEVER hurt like this before.

Congrats to all the ladies that finished!! Two (Nelly Hurtado and White Winged Shove) are even skating tonight in bouts!!

So there you have it. CrossFit. Do it. It’s a mental game. It’s great to do it with people for the encouragement. Jocie definitely helped me push through and overcome the mental game.

I’m so sore.

When can I go back?

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Can beauty and strength really co-exist?

It is a tricky thing, the idea of beauty and femininity.

It is something that I’ve pondered a lot over my lifetime, and as I shift the balance of my life I come face to face with the conundrums again.

Growing up with a brother just slightly older than me, coupled with a very work-conscious, feminist mother, I did not expand the image of beauty within myself as a flowering young girl. I was more interested in playing football and king of the mountain than I was with experimenting with makeup and jewelry. The major reason I wanted contact lenses was because I was tired of having them break on me during softball games (which, inevitably, they would each year).

In high school, I did my best to make myself “cute”, but still gravitated towards stovepipe jeans, loose fitting anime-themed t-shirts and (of course) those flame Airwalks (sooooo comfy).

I didn’t really know what it meant to be pretty or feel pretty as I grew up. I liked boys from a very early age (my first crush was in kindergarten), and was always seeking attention from them, but in a conflicted kind of way. I didn’t know if I wanted them to be attracted to me because I was pretty or because I was stronger than them (or both).

Remember the movie “Little Giants”? I could identify with the main character instantly. Her name was Becky ‘Icebox’ O’shea. I think they should do a sequeal where she finds her derby team.

She almost gives up football glory... all for Junior (Devon Sawa). — She almost gives up football glory… all for Junior (Devon Sawa).

In high school and college I battled against the super tomboy by making myself also overtly sexual. That’s the way to combat it, right? That’s what I thought at least. I may be able to beat them up, but if I make myself a very sexual creature, it’ll all balance out.

Let’s just say that didn’t end well for my ability to hold a relationship, much less for my own self-esteem.

So now here I am. I’m 30 years old facing the same gender roles and paranoia that I was faced with 15 years ago: If I’m strong and have muscle, will men be turned off by me? If my hair is short and I don’t present myself in a sexualized fashion, will I ever gain the interest of a male that I’m into? Even if I’m slim? Even if I put on make-up (sometimes)? I play roller derby, I have just fallen in love with Crossfit (dammit I drank the Kool Aid) and I drink protein shakes like it’s my job.

Bank Track! Team Rogue!! — Hahah … see what I did there?

Will I have a shot in hell, or will they go for the young, easy catches? Will I always loose out to the girl in the dress with the perfect hair cut?

Firefly fans – look deeply at the conflict and struggle that resides in Zoe Washburn: Trying to balance feminine wife with hardened soldier. Captain Mal is the only one that doesn’t see her gender, but he doesn’t see her as a woman either.

She knows she feels more comfortable as the alpha, but as you look deeper into her personality and reactions during the show, you see she is conflicted. She understands that to make her marriage work, she must have times where she backs off and plays docile. She must be the submissive female in a male dominated culture that pretends to be pro-feminism.

Is it possible to feel feminine and beautiful without the heels and the other fancies?

Let me also say this: I do LIKE the fancy stuff. I love my Mary Kay and my Lia Sophia. I wish my knee weren’t screwed up so bad so that I could wear heels again. I love putting on a summer dress and having my hair styled. The truth of the matter is, I haven’t felt worthy enough to put the time and energy to doing it. There is always something else I’d rather do or spend my money on. Plus, when you work out like a beast, what is the point of putting on make-up? Well. Maybe war paint.

Also please know that I do, most of the time, find myself very beautiful. More recently, I’ve been shown that I may still even be sexy and feminine. When you’re admiring your biceps after a round of CrossFit though, these thoughts creep in and you begin to question society’s entire viewpoint on the female species.

So there you go, Interwebs. You have gotten to the soft underbelly of me. Can Merry Khaos (or even Kristie Grey) be strong and powerful, yet soft and feminine? Do they have to go together? Can you be a tomboy and yet be attractive to the opposite sex? Can’t we all just BE and let that be the beauty of us?

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The Darlings of Derby Ink

You would think the students of Penn State would be used to my ice packs by now.

My small, polka-dotted cooler (which is usually filled with Herbalife goodies and greek yogurt) is stocked today with ice packs which I am rotating between my two knees as I blog in the coffee shop before my Advanced PR meeting. You know my mood is killer when I’m swinging my shoulders to a disco tune that’s playing on the radio.

My team mates and I have dubbed this the “Rogue High”. It is the inexplicable joy that is radiating through 16 women who got to be part of Team Rogue at the Derby Ink Invitational tournament this past weekend.

The weekend was highly anticipated by the entire derby world. Could a small MADE league out of Philadelphia transport a bank track to Harrisburg, coordinate a men’s AND women’s tournament while also juggling merchants, a tattoo convention, an indoor skate park, bands and more?

Rogue was a mish mash team that took on many incarnations since this past January. Meeting up at Love City’s track, we learned the rules of the Modern Athletic Derby Endeavor (MADE) while fighting the physics of a bank track and conquering the fear of the rail, slope and edge of the track. You may have seen previous posts about this!

The first breakthrough of team work and awareness came Easter weekend when Rogue invaded Penn Jersey’s warehouse in a sketchy part of Philadelphia to test our mettle against some MADE all stars as well as the Penn Jersey Hooligan’s.

We were skating together for fun. All of us would have these huge smiles on our faces as we went up and down on the bank track – even when the boys were kicking our butts.

So we arrive at Derby Ink. Here is our roster:

Renegade Raven (retired) & Skate Edge (HARD) – Bench Coaching
Russian Bayou – Dutchland
Treasure Chest – Dutchland
Jocelyn Bassler – Dutchland
Merry Khaos – Dutchland
Bam Bam Brawler – Rocktown
Rainbow’s Revenge – Harrisburg
Neve Cannibal – Harrisburg
Buster Skull – Salisbury
Raven Darkhold –River City
Spry Icicle – Maine
Grim D Mise – Maine
Damage Dahl – Philly
Ally McKill – Steel City
Nash Villain – Retired

We knew we had a strong line-up. We knew we had a team that could get things done on a bank track. We didn’t realize that we were going to all click during the first half of the first game. This was the first time we had all been on the track together. This was some kind of magic. We were all happy, excited to be there and our first bout was against the MADE All-Stars … a great place to really test what we were made of.

Our team work: awesome. Our communication: spot on. Our awareness: top notch. Our joy: through the roof.

The advantage to not being super familiar with a rule set is that you cannot get angry when called off on a penalty, since you honestly don’t know whether you did it or not. Same with when the other team ISN’T called on a penalty!

Something magic happened during that bout….The entire crowd fell in love with us.

I do not know how or why. Maybe it was because we were a bunch of flat track skaters that seemed to exude happiness just at the opportunity to play roller derby in a new setting and with our friends. Maybe it was our adorable cluelessness as we went to the box for touching people. Maybe it was just because the talent level and moves of our jammers and pivots and blockers were undeniably entertaining.

From Thursday to Sunday, there was a lot of frustration at the Derby Ink Invitational. Scattered between the debacles, however, were wonderful games and athletic feats. All the skaters were showing off the battle wounds of the track (new Masonite and a splintered edge to the track made for a lot of scars) and talking about the amazing moves they made against some of their derby heroes.

I’m going to skirt over the controversy and bad feelings that came up during the weekend, but let me just say that the tournament heads were not very well equipped to deal with a team being mad about the seeding situation. Team Rogue had won both of our games in the prelims by a margin of +266 … And were seeded #1. This made the other flat track super teams (overall) very unhappy.

At the end of the argument, we got our #1 seeding.

WE WERE SEEDED OVER TEAM BIONIC. JOY. Unbelievable. A team of misfit flat trackers who are having the time of their life actually was top of the pile. What?? Amazing!!

PS I would not have made it through this weekend without my supply of Hydrate, LiftOff and protein bars. Holla.

So on Sunday we went on to beat Penn Jersey in the semi-finals. Those ladies hit HAAAARRRD….even though the score was very heavy in Rogue’s favor do not think that Penn Jersey (or any of the MADE teams) did not try. They were brutal competitors. And instead of high fives – we got hugs at the end of the bout!

We made it to the finals of this tournament. At that point we had dubbed ourselves winners. Even before playing that game, every one of us in a Rogue shirt had been approached by fans, refs and other skaters – each of them telling us that they love us and that they’re cheering for us.

Rogue had become the Darlings of the Derby Ink tournament. The group that came in as the underdogs had won the hearts of the crowd and the other teams.

Ok, so it goes without saying that we got our butts WHOOPED in the final by Team Bionic, but I’m ok with that. It was amazing seeing the smiles of my team mates as they skated the track. It was amazing to hear our friends cheer on the sidelines. We each came back to the benches with little victories and new bruises to show off.

Thanks to Kimberly Bassler for the Bionic photos!

For me? Successfully holding back Bonnie Thunders for half a pass. Taking Sandrine Rangeon to the rail. Pushing Stella Italiano off the track to end the jam. Outrunning Fifi Nomenon and Psychobabble to maintain control of the front of the pack. Offensively, and successfully, blocking Sexy Slaydie so that Buster Skull could break the pack. Little victories!

Other moments I won’t forget?

The look on Stella’s face when Russian Bayou broke the pack as pivot directly behind her for the third time. Jocelyn Bassler getting lead over Rangeon AND scoring three points. Damage Dahl taking out Hockey Honey.

I couldn’t ask for a more positive team to skate with in a mash up setting. For all the missteps of the tournament organization it was a blast like I can’t even describe.

So here’s to the Derby Ink! Here’s to Team Rogue! Oh, and “Fuck Cancer!!” – Team Rogue donated half of our $2000 second place prize to the Leukemia & Lymphoma Society.

Damn, we’re some classy broads.

Now pass me my 24 Restore and Rebuild Strength!! My knees are all kinds of messed up from this weekend. *limp limp limp*