Misadventures in Recovery

Every time I start to get comfortable with the idea of going on a temporary hiatus, I watch roller derby and then convince myself that I can stretch my time for a little longer before my pause. Thank you for making my decision more difficult, Nashville & Madison. This bout at Ashville’s Division 1 playoff has been an awesome way to wake up on Saturday!

Madison Nashville

Now your next question might be, “Wait, what? Temporary hiatus?”

Life happens, sometimes folks. And so do injuries. I’ve been dealing with knee pain since last October (and to be fair, my doc thinks that the injury I received against Philly is not the same as I incurred when I sprinted into a gopher hole during softball practice). The further I get into physical therapy, and the more we don’t see long term improvement, the less hopeful I am that it can be solved with just nutrition, exercise and patience.

Sympathy beer

To give you an idea of what I’ve been dealing with – extend your right leg completely. First of all, I have only recently been able to do that. When I do, and when I extend it fully as I walk, there is pain. What kind? Well the spot is just south of my kneecap, on the inside of the leg, and each time I step, it feels like someone is digging a blunt screwdriver into it. When I walk fully (striking on the heel, rounding to the big toe with full leg extension) it feels like a nail and then the blunt screwdriver.

If I stand with all my weight in my heel, it feels like the joint gets “heavy” and everything inside and around my knee cap aches with a dull pain. Every now and again, I’ll be walking and I will experience a pop on the outside of my right knee – I acquaint it to the plucking of a guitar string. This is the flare up some of you have heard me talk about. After a flare up, I cannot straighten or bend my leg for about 5 minutes, and can put zero weight on it.

My flare ups have been improving. The intense pain used to last hours, or days. Now it’s less than a few minutes and I’m fine again. It used to be that I couldn’t straighten my leg for weeks. Now it’s an hour. That being said, there is no rhyme or reason to them. I have had a flare up while demonstrating 180 toe stops, while standing up on my wheels, while bringing myself down off of a bank track, while jogging and kicking the edge of a sidewalk, while sprinting and falling into a gopher hole, while jogging to first base, while walking to the bathroom, while laying down watching a movie.

I have been playing with the idea for a little while now of taking next year off of competitive play to focus on my Derbalife business and to heal up a bit. It’s so hard to make that full commitment to non-competition. If I need to have surgery, than I will be off skates for a while regardless. It is hard to voluntarily say, “I’m taking myself off skates pre-surgery”. I’m really struggling with it.

The plan is to transfer to Charm City. I want to try out for the All Stars (because, c’mon! it’s the Charm City All Stars!! I’ve looked up to that team since I began skating). But for the sake of my body, mind and business I may just aim for B-team and home teams for the majority of 2014. I am hopeful that I can focus on Harm City Homicide for 2014. I am hopeful that I can find the money for an MRI and, past that, surgery.

Harrisburg Area Roller Derby Nuclear Knockouts v Charm City Female Trouble - October 2010.
Harrisburg Area Roller Derby Nuclear Knockouts v Charm City Female Trouble – October 2010.

Even if I hang my skates up, it will not be a permanent retirement. I still haven’t skated at a Divisional playoff. I have a goal of skating at Champs one day as well. It will be realized. It will happen.

Head up. Keep moving. I will do what I can in the meantime and constantly be analyzing and evaluating. There are two more Blitz bouts this season and I just don’t know whether I should push through them. I can’t help but wonder if my team would be better if I just stepped away now so that they can work together without me getting in the way.

I mean - Have I even been an asset this season?  Photo by Hispanic Attack from ECDX 2013
I mean – Have I even been an asset this season?
Photo by Hispanic Attack from ECDX 2013

How do you make a decision of what to do when you have no idea what is wrong? How do you make a choice when you have no idea when you’ll be able to fix it? Anyone want to start a GoFundMe to help me with my MRI or surgery costs? Anyone want to book me for some boot camps to help me pay for my MRI and surgery costs?

I know in the end I will be stronger. I know a year from now, everything will look different. However, I am so hyper focused on the next two months that it feels impossible to see 12 into the future. I will be pumping some personal development into my skull and continually evaluating my position in life, work and roller derby.

Level 10

Encouraging words are always appreciated. And thank you for keeping up with my misadventures in recovery. At least my nutrition has kept me peppy through all of it.. #Herbalife #FTW

This is why I love my job

Ok I hate the cold weather. That’s not much of a secret. I also hate that for the last week straight there has been ZERO sunshine. It’s just grey outside all the time. It is downright draining. On top of that, I have had a really hard time focusing because my laptop’s charger went kaputsky and our oldest boy, Abbey, has been really sick and we had to take him to the vet for hydration and meds.

Yes, Abbey is one of our cats. Don't judge. He is fur children.
Yes, Abbey is one of our cats. Don’t judge. He is fur children.

Well things have been looking up! Though my time at the bridal show hasn’t been 100% successful yet (but I know it will be), I know that I have laid groundwork with brides and some other vendors to be able to start working in the bridal industry again (and I’m so excited for that). In fact, you can check out my OTHER blog – Fit2TietheKnot.com … you should follow that too and tell your friends. I got to connect with old friends Linda Kelly and Mary Ann Naglieri at the Unveiled13 Bridal Show by Metalaye. Who are they? They were my Mary Kay sponsors!! (Ever wonder why my derby name is Merry Khaos?) I also got to see Nuria (who is now the event planner at AACA) and Melissa (who is the event planner at Metalaye). Together, the five of us would brave the weekends of Alfred Angelos together in Harrisburg.

Bridal card

What other job would I have been able to reconnect with them in such an awesome way! I’m so excited to work with all of them in the future! Mary Kay/Herbalife parties… consultations with brides… snacks and health for all!

So, because my charger has not been working, I’ve been looking for another way of reaching out to people and today I followed through on an idea I had a while ago. Why not reach out to my neighborhood? Let them know I’m here? So today I spent a half hour running and dropping door hangers onto my neighbors doors!

IMG_20130207_125751

Not only was I able to let people know that I’m here, but … I was able to get an extra workout in!! I’ve been having a really hard time getting myself OUTSIDE to run. I’ve been feeling it at practice though. When I jam, my short burst endurance and long endurance are NOT what they were in October. So I really have to push myself to go further and harder on my non-practice days. The big problem getting outside? I have to dress like Nanook of the North because it’s below freezing outside and I was not built for those temperatures.

Branded ninja. You don't see that often.
Branded ninja. You don’t see that often.

So running. And lifting. And doing the 24 week DVD series 24Fit by Herbalife. And lots of protein. And lots of water. And lots of shakes and vitamins and goodness!

This is why I love my job. I get to be healthy! I have to be healthy as part of my job! I get to set goals and accomplish goals and feel awesome about myself because I am the healthiest and strongest I’ve ever been. I get to talk to people about how they can do it too. I get to help my friends live better and maybe make a couple bucks on their own. I’m still finding my way, but I love that my friends are finding their way with me!

Post-workout mug of awesome.
Post-workout mug of awesome.

And now, I sit with a penguin mug with lemon tea concentrate and herbal aloe. I will be delivering goodies to my friends as soon as I can. I will be helping other athletes in my area be hydrated, stronger and faster. I will help other people be healthy. WOO!

PS Bank track tournament April 19-21 in Harrisburg, Pennsylvania: Derby Ink Invitational. We’ll have a ‘Derbalife’ table there. You should make sure you check it out.