The life and times of Merry Khaos and her alter-ego, Kristie Grey. A romp through the inner workings of a mind in roller derby athletics, training, and business management.
Feelings are cyclical, I understand. It is insane to believe that we will not undergo some fluctuating feelings and emotions throughout our journeys – no matter how positive and upbeat we are. It is understandable to feel down sometimes, or have to pick yourself up after a bad day. To really, honestly change your mindset takes years of practice and discipline.
Even then, even the pros of positivity find situations in which negative thoughts creep in. Ask them – they’ll admit it! The difference between those who are truly positive and the rest of us is that the truly positive folk have little alarm systems that go off when negativity happens and they’re able to divert, re-route or re-assess to turn the energy around.
So why am I talking about this with a title on the post called “Confidence”?
Because it is amazing how sometimes you just wake up. When you set off on a journey like I have – one of self-improvement, fitness and coaching – it is a path wrought with AH HA moments. (Just like in roller derby, actually)
Today I realized that I’ve never allowed myself to be really confident and positive about my appearance.
I have always been the chubby girl. The ugly one. The dork. Kids can be cruel, and I’d be lying if I said that being bullied in third grade didn’t stick with me. If I told you that being embarrassed in front of my whole elementary school in 5th grade didn’t leave some scars. I’d be lying if I told you that I have never blamed my looks on why I’m not engaged (or more) yet.
Today I really looked at a picture I took of myself at the Sweat-a-Fit. It was after my final class of the day. I had done 5 total. I had just done back to back Zumba classes, and the final teachers were not only fresh and ready but they were HOPPY and TWITCHY. It was the 2nd most intense class of the day. It was awesome, but I was a sweaty mess. I figured it would be good proof that I had been there!
I really looked at that photo today and realized that I am a silly fool. The photo isn’t just of some girl who’s sweaty. It’s of a beautiful woman who is making a new life for herself. A woman who has dropped 15 pounds off in the last 6 months. A woman who is happy and healthy and wants to help others. A woman who overcame barriers during the event; physical, mental and spiritual. The photo is me: a girl who is more timid than you would think, but who found the guts to go and talk to every person she could before the event ended. I saw the picture and realized: The confidence was always in me, I just had to find it. For me it took 4 hours of intense cardio…
And on top of that, I don’t even look sweaty. I just look like I’ve had the time of my life. Which I did! I even got to drink some Peach Tea Concentrate and reward myself with a chocolate banana cupcake.
So tomorrow is a new week. I have had a rough month for my business so far, but tomorrow is different and tomorrow is new. Tomorrow I will help more people start their own journey to find their own confidence. I will help as many people as I can to live healthier, more active lifestyles. I will find more coaches to work with me on these goals. I will.
What is a Sweat-A-Fit? It is a fundraiser by LETSMOVE and the only thing they do is organize this event and it’s nine hours of working out. This year, at Millersville University there was a Zumba room, a Yoga room and a Spin room.
There was a moment today where I thought to myself, “I am so weak. I skipped four classes.”
Then I realized that it meant that I did five classes. According to iChange, the four 45 minute classes of Zumba and the 40 minute Spin class I did burned 1900+ calories. 1900 calories. NINETEEN HUNDRED CALORIES.
My body, on a typical day, only burns about 1400! At a really awesome derby practice I’ll burn 900 calories. I am just absolutely floored at this achievement! Those classes were hard. Even the one Zumba class that was a little less bouncy had a lot of super precise movements, so I was still working really small muscles. My team mates from Dutchland Rollers were there too, and that was pretty awesome. (Kudos to Acute Toxicity and White Wing Shove who did five hours of Zumba today. Lots of gyrating)
I also started with the Spin class. Which was probably not the best choice. Especially since I’ve never done one before. Our instructor was awesome (10 am class – Frankfurter? Hm. Can’t remember his name but he definitely called out the roller girls in the crowd). What was awesome about the class was that it wasn’t just: “Now pedal! Listen to the techno!”
We had techno, but it was Florence and the Machine. We pedaled, but there was ab work and other interesting workouts. Also, he was into the personal development side of things so he kept talking about the spiritual connection to working out. It helped me push through the burning of my quads (still not recovered from rock climbing – WHICH WAS AMAZING) and the general underdevelopment of my biking muscles.
PS I’m sorry if this blog hops around a little bit. I don’t know who I even am right now I’m so spent!! 1900 CALORIES. ON 5 HOURS OF SLEEP.
Ok, so thank goodness I also had an Herbalife table set up at the event, because wow did I need the supplements today. The ‘empty’ Prepare canister ended up having a scoop and a half of powder in it, so post-Spin, pre-Zumba THAT happened. It was a 2 Hydrate day (I probably should have taken a 3rd honestly). I had some beverage mix with H3O after lunch (which involved micro-greens from The Seed Café in Lancaster and a CARROT SLAW mmmm).I also had some Peach Tea Concentrate and my tabs. PLUS I’ve drank 150 ounces of water today. I had a Formula 1 to start my day, a Formula 1 to end my day, and then Rebuild Strength when I got home! (PS I’m still in negative calories here at 10pm. Intense. Dinner is being made though. I am excited.)
So … The point of this blog is that … you can push through it. I don’t know how I did. The mental part of working out can be so much harder than the physical. The physical was tough, don’t get me wrong! It burned. My knee kept buckling. My arms were tight from climbing. I found that my synapses weren’t firing and I’d have to refocus to get the most out of each class. Zumba was crazy fun! Very intimidating at first, but AMAZING when you shut off your inhibitions and just DO IT.
SPENT! But I have my tea.
So turn off your fear. Turn off the pain. Pain is something that you brain creates to fool you into stopping. Don’t be fooled. Prove your mind wrong. Show that you are stronger than your situation.
You can rest later. Later you can sit in your comfy chair with your chamomile tea with a happy tummy full of kale and broccoli and fish knowing that you left it all on the floor. You can rest later; happy that when the last beat dropped, you had nothing left to give – and if you had anything left to give, you went to another class.
I would not recommend doing three hours and forty-five minutes of working out all the time. Once a week? Sure! I think that would be a great thing for me to start doing. I imagine this is what people feel like post-marathon. And since I’m running a half in April – I may want to start training for it!
PS I didn’t get a chance to write about my climbing adventure, but know that it was amazing. I cannot wait to go back. And I will be. Often.
Khaos Theory Derby 