Feelings are cyclical, I understand. It is insane to believe that we will not undergo some fluctuating feelings and emotions throughout our journeys – no matter how positive and upbeat we are. It is understandable to feel down sometimes, or have to pick yourself up after a bad day. To really, honestly change your mindset takes years of practice and discipline.
Even then, even the pros of positivity find situations in which negative thoughts creep in. Ask them – they’ll admit it! The difference between those who are truly positive and the rest of us is that the truly positive folk have little alarm systems that go off when negativity happens and they’re able to divert, re-route or re-assess to turn the energy around.
So why am I talking about this with a title on the post called “Confidence”?
Because it is amazing how sometimes you just wake up. When you set off on a journey like I have – one of self-improvement, fitness and coaching – it is a path wrought with AH HA moments. (Just like in roller derby, actually)
Today I realized that I’ve never allowed myself to be really confident and positive about my appearance.
I have always been the chubby girl. The ugly one. The dork. Kids can be cruel, and I’d be lying if I said that being bullied in third grade didn’t stick with me. If I told you that being embarrassed in front of my whole elementary school in 5th grade didn’t leave some scars. I’d be lying if I told you that I have never blamed my looks on why I’m not engaged (or more) yet.
Today I really looked at a picture I took of myself at the Sweat-a-Fit. It was after my final class of the day. I had done 5 total. I had just done back to back Zumba classes, and the final teachers were not only fresh and ready but they were HOPPY and TWITCHY. It was the 2nd most intense class of the day. It was awesome, but I was a sweaty mess. I figured it would be good proof that I had been there!
I really looked at that photo today and realized that I am a silly fool. The photo isn’t just of some girl who’s sweaty. It’s of a beautiful woman who is making a new life for herself. A woman who has dropped 15 pounds off in the last 6 months. A woman who is happy and healthy and wants to help others. A woman who overcame barriers during the event; physical, mental and spiritual. The photo is me: a girl who is more timid than you would think, but who found the guts to go and talk to every person she could before the event ended. I saw the picture and realized: The confidence was always in me, I just had to find it. For me it took 4 hours of intense cardio…
And on top of that, I don’t even look sweaty. I just look like I’ve had the time of my life. Which I did! I even got to drink some Peach Tea Concentrate and reward myself with a chocolate banana cupcake.
So tomorrow is a new week. I have had a rough month for my business so far, but tomorrow is different and tomorrow is new. Tomorrow I will help more people start their own journey to find their own confidence. I will help as many people as I can to live healthier, more active lifestyles. I will find more coaches to work with me on these goals. I will.
Khaos Theory Derby 