The life and times of Merry Khaos and her alter-ego, Kristie Grey. A romp through the inner workings of a mind in roller derby athletics, training, and business management.
When talking to derby folk about nutrition I hear the same things over and over:
“I don’t know what to eat.”
“I don’t know when to eat”
“I try to eat healthy” OR “I eat terribly and I know it”
“I drink plenty of water” OR “I don’t drink water and I know it’s bad”
I’ve been doing this health coaching thing for a little while now and I can almost predict what people are going to say before they say it. It is part of why I’m so passionate about Derbalife – I want to help my friends answer questions.
Because honestly, it can be really confusing when you’re trying to figure all this out on your own! There are a billion fad diets and trends, and everyone has a different idea of how much you should eat and what you should eat. And then the SCHEDULING? WOOF. That can be rough.
So, while my method isn’t perfect by any means, and there is still some trial and error that goes along with creating plans for yourself, I wanted to share with you what I have created for myself.
Some notes:
1) This is my 90 day plan. As I approach the end of 90 days, I will re-evaluate, tweak, and create a new 90 day plan (that won’t look too far off of this one, probably).
2) Bout weeks will change up my schedule. I will do a deload leg day on Thursday, and will rest at least a day and a half before a bout; more than that for a more competitive game, or for a weekend competition.
3) I have eased into this schedule. I did not just decide one day to work out this much. This has been a two and a half year process. Do not just try and hop into a two a day program. Work with a sports trainer if you’re unsure of how to plan out your cross training.
4) I have nothing to do other than work, train, and play/ref/watch derby. Do not look at my schedule and think “Wow. I could never do that.” **kick stones** “I guess I just won’t do anything”. No. That is not the point here. The point is to show you how you can break down every day of your week into an intentional plan.
So the first thing I did was color coding. I broke my day into half hour bite sized increments. Then I went through and blocked out the scheduled pieces: work time, drive time, practice time is all set. I can’t change them, so they go in first. From there, I could build my cross-training schedule. After that, my extra stuff could go in.
Bruise Crew at The Blood Shed in Austin, TX, getting ready to play The Firing Squad. Practice times are not negotiable, so I make sure they’re a part of my plan before my plan has fully formed. Photo by TXRG
Once I could see what my days look like, I could build my meal plan. I know that when I work at Taco Bus I can only eat meals during certain times. I also know that I get employee meals. The goal is to eat every 2-3 hours, starting with eating within 30 minutes of waking up. I walked through my day, and found times that I thought I’d be able to eat. I typed in what I thought would be good snacks and meals. I put in as many snacks and meals as I thought would hit my desired calorie count… which… originally… I thought was 2000 calories. As you can see, below, it is NOT 2000 calories.
So after I planned out Monday, then I went onto a calculator program on If It Fits Your Macros. When you walk through the calculator, I always encourage people to use the athlete formula (since it factors in your exercise amount, not just your body fat). I, personally, am on a plan to help me gain conservatively. Everyone’s goals are different, and that’s ok! I would recommend, for derby athletes that you choose either the “Recommended” for WEIGHT LOSS, the MAINTAIN, or “Cautious” for WEIGHT GAIN.
PS Macros are : Fat/Protein/Carbs/Fiber. How I got my numbers? I’m 32 years old, 5’4”, and 145#, looking to GAIN CONSERVATIVELY and working out “everyday”. I also did the formula where I eat 1g of protein per 1# of body weight, .4g of fat per 1# of body weight, and I had it calculate for 7 meals a day.
Right, so it gave me numbers listed just below this paragraph. Next I went into FatSecret.com and plugged in the day I had planned out to see what it gave me. I found out that not only was I about 600 calories short, but I was 25g of fat short! Good fats are super critical for muscle creation and is also awesome for your joints and your brain. Once I saw that, I could go back through my Monday and adjust my meals! I had them broken down in my tracking program, so I could see that a snack only had 11g of protein and I could add some jerky to it to improve that. Or that a meal was only 150 calories, so I needed to add some avocado. 😀
I want everyone to know that while I am super excited about the above schedule of cross-training … I also get a little vomity looking at it. I am not a cardio kind of girl. If you know me, or have been keeping up with this blog, than you know that I would rather deadlift every day than run. EVAR. However, too high of a focus on weight training for too long can weigh someone like me down (especially since I cameo jam now and again). So I’m moving my focus to some explosiveness. On my lift days, I’m using a modified 5×5 program, that I have preached about in the past! More about lifting and 5×5 here.
You may look at this schedule and say, “But Khaos! You said that running for long distances doesn’t do much for derby!” And it is true. It doesn’t. However, my long endurance has been slipping since I am on a team that doesn’t do endurance practices. Since I am not doing a speed practice, I am utilizing my conditioning training to help keep my long distance endurance strong, which is linked to recovery over the course of a bout. (So it may not help me from jam to jam, but over the course of a whole game, I want my large muscles to still be able to respond.)
How to build your meals?
Look at your macros, use your tracking devices to understand the compositions of your food. Whenever I eat, I make sure there is at least 10g of protein in what I’m eating. Otherwise I pick something else, or add protein to the thing I’m already eating. I also drink a gallon of water a day. I also take vitamins 3x a day. Doing those things helps to keep the metabolism running and helps your body absorb all the things you’re giving it!
Feel free to use my meals as a starting point! If you want specific help please feel free to message me at DerbyAmerica@gmail.com. I have a good bit of Herbalife in my personal plan, but I can help you figure things out for you with or without the Herbalifle. ^_^
It’s a lot. It’s confusing. It’s overwhelming. Break it down piece by piece. Map it out. Then, all you have to do it is follow it and be awesome! The nice side effect of mapping out your nutrition and fitness this way? You’ve just made a road map for your daily schedule. Watch your productivity go through the roof!! And don’t be afraid to schedule in “FUN TIME” or “TRAVEL TIME” or “READING”. Do it up! It’s your plan.
Two time MRDA champion, Your Mom Men’s Roller Derby is a collection of some of the most talented skaters in the world who also just happen to be phenomenal at roller derby. Disclaimer: I talk about roller derby pretty real at a couple points in this blog. This is not meant to make anyone #butthurt (as Elektra Q Tion would say), but if a blog about derby can’t say it, who can?
Your Mom is known for fast skating, and intense walls. When you watch them, they are not hard hitters – they don’t have to be. Their non-verbal communication and self-awareness is so sharp that if they rarely have to hit opponents to contain them. Their work is smooth and effortless. Hits are not short strikes, but rather elongated motion that carries the intended target out of bounds, or drives the target behind the blocker’s hips. Edges, edges, edges. Study it. Their bursts. Their control. Their awareness.
Against Mass Maelstrom at Spring Roll. Photo by DeFord Designs
Your Mom knows what you’re going to do before you know what you’re going to do. They aim for where you’re going, not where you are, and they rarely have to catch the jammer, because the jammer is so commonly ensnared in their net.
How do you know that their blockers are interchangeable and their rosters fluid beyond measure? Think about this: Who are their big hitters and which jammer has the best differential? Sure, Seahorses Forever and Sugar Boots stand out because of their height. Yes, everyone knows Frank NotsoHotra. Otherwise it is hard to picture any skaters that are exceedingly more important than the others. On every other team you can look at a line up and pick out ‘key pieces’. Sure, every team SAYS they don’t have any players that are more important than the rest, but we all know that’s not true.
Close the gap. Photo by DeFord Designs
Double Excel. Magnum PIMP. Jonathan R. Szabo. Dilly Dally. Speed Dealer. Cozmo Damage. Shreddy Mercury. Richard Gaudet. Wes Turn. Sutton Impact. Reaper. Keith Rucker. TJ Binkley. Are these the only players that matter on their teams? Absolutely not! Do you want to beat that their teams would be a tad concerned about overall performance if one or both of these skaters were missing from the line up? Yes, I honestly think so.
On Your Mom they don’t have to worry about it as much. No Cleveland Stever? You’ve Dirty Larry. No Tony Muse? You got Dante Muse. No B Stang? You got Rollomite. No Sugar Boots? You’ve got Seahorses Forever. No Lily Pad? You’ve got Suicide Snow Cone. You getting the idea? There is no one on the roster that Your Mom can’t respond to with a “But we’ve got these 5 people that CAN do it”. And they have up and coming skaters that they’re training so that the tradition of winning continues.
Frank Notsohotra – commonly referred to as “The fastest man in roller derby.” Photo by DeFord Designs
“But Khaos!” You say, “You can’t really appreciate Your Mom.” (giggle) “They fly in all their skaters!”
Untrue.
There are 3 remote skaters that I know of. And by “remote” I mean living more than 3 hours away. And even if there were more, so what? Charm City, Philly, and Tampa Bay Men’s (for example) all have skaters that travel upwards of 3 hours to play with their teams. Those skaters could play for Charlottesville, or Suburbia, or Brevard Area Men’s, but they have chosen a different league and has made a commitment to the league of their choice. It is a hobby, we don’t get paid, so why should anyone feel that they are not allowed to play with the league of their choice? Why do we not hear about the skaters that travel across state lines to be a part of PRG or CCRG or TBMRD?
Because they’re not world champions.
As soon as a team starts winning division titles (Oly) or champs (YMMRD), suddenly it’s an issue. Jack Hammer’d lives in South Carolina (everyone in the MRDA knows that he moved, so I’m not exactly revealing a scandal). He is here with Maelstrom this weekend. Why? Because he fulfilled the attendance requirements set forth by his league, and thus qualified to play at Champs with Mass Maelstrom. Here is your tiny bit of beeswax so that you can mind your own.
And guess what? We saw from the WFTDA championships in previous years that sheer talent doesn’t win titles, teamwork, and practice time does. Your Mom Men’s Roller Derby has teamwork, communication, and ‘synergy’ (that’s for you, Austintatious). That doesn’t come from a bunch of people randomly showing up on bout day and not ever practicing with one another.
Positional control. Photo by DeFord Designs
This weekend is going to be tough for teams to oust Your Mom as champions. Many of the men on the roster are very accustomed to a sticky hardwood floor like that of the Tacoma Armory. Several of the skaters were GLOWING at the opportunity to play Champs on such a surface.
Every team that faces Your Mom is going to have to bring the strongest walls, the ability to multitask, awareness like woah, and the endurance of a Champion.
Check out YOUR MOM (giggle) on Facebook to get continually information about them. They play Denton County Outlaws in the opening bout of the tournament at 9a PST on Saturday. Yes. That means in about 9 hours. Get some rest, and if you’re not in Tacoma check it out on WFTDA.tv! Thank you DeFord Designs for all the photos in this article. Hey Photogs! YMMRD needs more pictures taken of them next year. #JustSayin #BloggerinNeed
(Sorry for the cliché opening. I’ve been hoping for a reason to use it for years.)
Seriously though, they are. Only they come bearing red Bonts, not red coats (and if we’re lucky some Blue Coat … and limes, but that’s another issue all together). Southern Discomfort is my new favorite derby team, and with the sheer amount of talent on the roster, I’m sure no one is surprised.
Their skaters qualified to play at the Men’s Roller Derby World Cup on Team England, France, Wales, Ireland, and Scotland: Seven chartered skaters appeared at the Men’s World Cup. Several others from the So Disco league were also featured during the WC, even though they don’t appear on the SD charter. It’s very possible that they are the MRDA team with the MOST skaters on World Cup teams (just based on what I’m seeing). Thanks to Flapjack for helping me come up with some of the World Cup info!
Samdroid, Flapjack, and Rolling Thunder hold back Mass Maelstrom. From Spring Roll 2014. Photo by DeFord Designs.
From London, England, So Disco has been together since 2010, when players from the south of England (who would get together to play men from the north of England) decided to ban together and start the first men’s team in the UK. Like their sisters, the London Rollergirls, SD didn’t have the luxury of being able to travel to close, competitive teams.
“I think our coach Kitty sums it up best when she says that the distance can actually work in your favour. We don’t always know what other teams are up to so we have to assume that they are flat out training and playing. This means we have to work harder than that in order to compete.” – Samdroid
The first look most of MRDA had of the team was this year during the week of Spring Roll in Fort Wayne, Indiana. The lads crossed an ocean for an infamous “7 games in 9 days”, where they took on 3 of the 4 top ranked MRDA teams (Shock Exchange was the only one they didn’t get a crack at). The start of the tour was tough because of the extreme jet lag felt by the team, and they ended the adventure playing the GateKeepers. They looked like the Walking Wounded by the time the bout finished up, they had all put so much into that 9 day stretch.
“I think this was a great experience for everyone. Those tight knit situations, being on top of each other for nine days can either bond you together or split you apart. For us it was a great bonding experience, it was great to play so much derby together and really get to know our rhythms. We met a lot of really lovely people who put us up, gave us lifts and food and were so hospitable. The toughest games were the first couple in Des Moines, where we were playing at the equivalent of4am UK time. Not a lot of people can remember those two clearly and the final game at Spring Roll was tough just because we had been so beat up. That was one just to get through.”
So how did I fall in love with So Disco? By watching them play Mass Maelstrom on Friday night at Spring Roll. We all know I’ve been a Maelstrom fangirl since SR ’13, so of course I was track side (especially with this unranked international team as the first match up). After the first jam, I knew that we were in for an amazing bout – So Disco flat out muscled the Maelstrom jammers for the first half. It is a feat to keep Jurasskick Park in a pack, but combination of men like Spectral Aberwraytion, Hooks Linger, and Rolling StoneR on the floor kept all the Maelstrom jammers fighting for every inch. I loved the acrobatics of Mr. Furieux, the backwards agility of Sutton Impact, the airiness of Reaper; I loved watching Ballistic Whistle toe up against Wes Turn (two jammers with very similar styles and amazing footwork).
Right so fast forward: The game was tied at the half (TIED!), but the second half proved too much of an endurance game and Maelstrom ended up winning by 50 points. Eventually the offense/defense switched helped establish MM’s hold on the game. I was sold on Southern Discomfort at that point though. It was over.
Ballistic Whistle hops the fallen opposition. Sutton Impact… just does his thing. From Spring Roll. Copyright 2014 by Bob Dunnell. Please do not remove watermarks from this photo. To purchase prints of this photo, please visit the following link: http://store.mrmcwheely.com/p23213762/e3e56ef34 Reference: 2014-05 Spring Roll GateKeepers vs Southern Discomfort-2290
All told, So Disco went 3-4-0 during their run in the states. They beat Twin City Terrors, Capital City Hooligans, Denton County Outlaws, and CT Death Quads, while they fell to Your Mom, the GateKeepers, Mass Maelstrom.
When rankings came out in June 2014, SD anxiously waited to see whether they had broken into the top 8 on their ranking appearance. “Disappointed” is how players described their feelings when the rankings were released with Southern Discomfort sitting at the 9th position. With unranked Denton County Outlaws slated to play the #8 Deep Valley Belligerents in August, SD still held onto hope that they would make it to champs thanks to their hard work (and their victory over DCO at Spring Roll). See my Denton County blog about why this mattered.
At the MEC doing work! Photo by Floyd King Photography
In the meantime, while the rankings were left up the good folks of Denton County and Deep Valley, So Disco focused in on the Men’s European Cup. With determination in their eyes (and their training), they took what they learned during their time in the states and implemented it into their gameplay. And, quite honestly, they dominated. No one else at the MEC even came close to defeating them. Then the next good news came: Denton had soundly defeated #8 Deep Valley before the final rankings for Championships were due. When the September rankings were released, So Disco found themselves at #7 in the MRDA. They had punched their tickets to Maritime Mayhem.
In the first round, So Disco gets another shot at the St Louis GateKeepers. With both teams at full strength it should be interesting to see how this shakes out. Both teams have exceptionally strong blockers and equally as wiley jammers. Both have fluid walls and communication. This could be one of the best bouts of the 2014 MRDA Championships. I doubt that Southern Discomfort walked away from their loss at Spring Roll without some lessons (or the footage on DVD to watch over and over and over).
Reaper can fly in his [borrowed] Antiks. Yup, he broke a plate on his artistic boots so Quadzilla offered him a pair he had handy. Copyright 2014 by Bob Dunnell. Please do not remove watermarks from this photo. To purchase prints of this photo, please visit the following link: http://store.mrmcwheely.com/p23213762/e3bac8c8f Reference: 2014-05 Spring Roll GateKeepers vs Southern Discomfort-1966In the fan survey I conducted, a handful of people said that they’d be rooting for Southern Discomfort during the tournament and believe that Mr. Furieux could be named the Tournament MVP because “Dude does not fall down ever.” (WildStyle, Capital City Hooligans). Casanovacaine is giving it to #666, Reaper “because he has skills and flare and is an all-round lovely chap. And has fought through injuries to be stronger and better.”
The countdown is on for the MRDA Championships, keep an eye on their webpage for info as it’s released. If you want to get more info about Southern Discomfort, visit their webpage! To support their GoFundMe and get some wicked So Disco merch, you need to visit their Fundraising Page ASAP.
When asked if there was anything else the world should know about So Disco, Samdroid simply replied:
“We’ve discovered that we’re not particularly keen on elephants as a league, which is quite interesting.”
Just another jam for Mr. Furieux. Copyright 2014 by Bob Dunnell. Please do not remove watermarks from this photo. To purchase prints of this photo, please visit the following link: http://store.mrmcwheely.com/p23213762/e261c1e2d Reference: 2014-05 Spring Roll GateKeepers vs Southern Discomfort-2719
![Reaper can fly in his [borrowed] Antiks. Yup, he broke a plate on his artistic boots so Quadzilla offered him a pair he had handy. Copyright 2014 by Bob Dunnell. Please do not remove watermarks from this photo. To purchase prints of this photo, please visit the following link: http://store.mrmcwheely.com/p23213762/e3bac8c8f Reference: 2014-05 Spring Roll GateKeepers vs Southern Discomfort-1966](https://khaostheoryblog.files.wordpress.com/2014/10/reaper.jpg)
Khaos Theory Derby 