Have you ever been so burdened with so much swirling around in your brain that you don’t know how to get it out or organize it? That’s what’s going on. I’ve actually put off writing blogs in the last few months because there has been SO MUCH going on (positive, negative and everywhere in between) that I didn’t know how to get it out in one smooth, amazing, life-altering blog.

Today I finished listening to Jon Acuff’s Start. Punch Fear in the Face, Escape Average, Do Work that Matters. If you haven’t heard of Jon Acuff, go find him right now. If you know me personally, you will know that I’m not always willing to jump onto bandwagons that involve heavy religion, but his “Stuff Christians Like” blog always has some good insight and anecdotes (and it’s not just about Bible-Things … so that’s a win).

The Road to Awesome as told by Jon Acuff
The Road to Awesome as told by Jon Acuff

Finishing that book this morning (after listening to a fair bit of it on the plane ride home last night) really solidified my vision for the future:


Hey, luckily, I’m working right now. I’m writing. I’m doing what I love. I’m sharing my thoughts with the world. OK, maybe this sentence isn’t work. It’s not a direct sale or getting anyone to a Fit Club, but it’s the first step to habit. It’s the first step of rebooting.

My Khaos Theory Blog has been a mishmash of things from Public Relations (which is why it started. I got a poor grade as a PR project, but I gained 100 followers during that first semester, so I call that an A+) to roller derby. Now I will be focusing it to health and wellness and sports. It will be workouts for those on and off wheels and nutrition that will benefit everyone. It will be my journey and thoughts and motivation for the world. It will be a documentary of what it means to coach and train within a Healthy, Active Lifestyle.

I’m ready to take over Baltimore and the Internet. I’m ready to get back into what I love: filming coaching videos (no matter how low budget), talking about drills, teaching and practicing. I have a new nutrition plan that will be kicking in with the next 24 Fit Challenge that our team is doing online (and I still have 15 spots open on my team, so let me know if you want to join). for more info for more info

I’m also going to do better at compartmentalizing my blogs. So… instead of telling you all about California, I’m going to end this blog, post and then write a separate one.

Our NEXT WAVE hiking group in Big Bear this weekend!
Our NEXT WAVE hiking group in Big Bear this weekend!


Feelings are cyclical, I understand. It is insane to believe that we will not undergo some fluctuating feelings and emotions throughout our journeys – no matter how positive and upbeat we are. It is understandable to feel down sometimes, or have to pick yourself up after a bad day. To really, honestly change your mindset takes years of practice and discipline.

Even then, even the pros of positivity find situations in which negative thoughts creep in. Ask them – they’ll admit it! The difference between those who are truly positive and the rest of us is that the truly positive folk have little alarm systems that go off when negativity happens and they’re able to divert, re-route or re-assess to turn the energy around.

So why am I talking about this with a title on the post called “Confidence”?

Because it is amazing how sometimes you just wake up. When you set off on a journey like I have – one of self-improvement, fitness and coaching – it is a path wrought with AH HA moments. (Just like in roller derby, actually)

Today I realized that I’ve never allowed myself to be really confident and positive about my appearance.

I have always been the chubby girl. The ugly one. The dork. Kids can be cruel, and I’d be lying if I said that being bullied in third grade didn’t stick with me. If I told you that being embarrassed in front of my whole elementary school in 5th grade didn’t leave some scars. I’d be lying if I told you that I have never blamed my looks on why I’m not engaged (or more) yet.

Today I really looked at a picture I took of myself at the Sweat-a-Fit. It was after my final class of the day. I had done 5 total. I had just done back to back Zumba classes, and the final teachers were not only fresh and ready but they were HOPPY and TWITCHY. It was the 2nd most intense class of the day. It was awesome, but I was a sweaty mess. I figured it would be good proof that I had been there!

I really looked at that photo today and realized that I am a silly fool. The photo isn’t just of some girl who’s sweaty. It’s of a beautiful woman who is making a new life for herself. A woman who has dropped 15 pounds off in the last 6 months. A woman who is happy and healthy and wants to help others. A woman who overcame barriers during the event; physical, mental and spiritual. The photo is me: a girl who is more timid than you would think, but who found the guts to go and talk to every person she could before the event ended. I saw the picture and realized: The confidence was always in me, I just had to find it. For me it took 4 hours of intense cardio…

And on top of that, I don’t even look sweaty. I just look like I’ve had the time of my life. Which I did! I even got to drink some Peach Tea Concentrate and reward myself with a chocolate banana cupcake.

So tomorrow is a new week. I have had a rough month for my business so far, but tomorrow is different and tomorrow is new. Tomorrow I will help more people start their own journey to find their own confidence. I will help as many people as I can to live healthier, more active lifestyles. I will find more coaches to work with me on these goals. I will.


12/21/12 Update

It’s Nopacolypse so I figure, when better than now to write a free form, fairly disjointed post!

Update #1 is about the knee. This weekend I went to Jingle Brawl, hosted by the Morgantown Roller Vixens in West Virginia. I was going to attempt to compete, but first I had to test the joint. I have not hit since Kick Ash popped my LCL in October, so let’s give it a shot. Well, I swung in on my expected team mate, JK LOL and the moment I made contact … I heard another pop. My entire joint felt shocked and started trembling. I immediately left the track.

I probably could have pushed through it, honestly. But not for a group of mixed games. Not happening. Aside from that, my knee had begun the disturbing trend in the last week of popping and clicking a lot. Sometimes it feels like when my knee cap cracks, and sometimes it buckles me.

So back to the Penn State doctor I went. His diagnosis? Still was an LCL sprain. only that’s healed. “Skate. If you can’t stand the pain, do your hitting too.” Oh, and get an MRI because you might have some cartilage getting caught in the joint. Or a ‘ligament snap’ … think about plucking a guitar string. Yea.

80s Holiday Party with the Dutchland Rollers!
80s Holiday Party with the Dutchland Rollers!

So last night I went to Dutchland’s holiday party (skating and goofing off) and it kind of felt ok. I didn’t skate on it for a while, on and off. Lightly. It tweaked once while I was trying a transition, but that’s it. Tonight I went to open skate. Members of my old league were there and I used it as my cardio. I spent a solid 45 minutes skating at one point. (30 minutes before that). One: My endurance is GONE when it comes to all my skating muscles. Two: Other than a couple motions, my knee felt awesome. I even went to the gym afterwards to do some strength training.

That being said, here are some of the weights that I’m up to:
Leg press (right leg): 55 pounds
Leg press  (left leg): 55 pounds
Leg extension (right leg): 40 pounds
Leg extension (left leg): 55 pounds
Bench Press: 40 pounds
Straight leg squat: 60 pounds
Overhead seated press: 15 pounds/hand
One Leg Squat: 25 pounds
Peck flys: 55 pounds
Delt flys: 40 pounds
Push-ups: Ok… I’m only up to 3o but I’m always so sore from all the other chest workouts!!

I have been doing resistance of 5 on the elliptical, and 7 on the bike. I have been doing as much interval training as I can. My weight has stayed about the same, but I have definitely trimmed up more and my guns are looking AWESOME. Thank you Rebuild Strength for my muscles. Thank you Joint Support and Herbalifeline for getting my knee strong quicker.

Thank you tea concentrate for getting me through finals. I’m still waiting on two grades, but so far I have an A and a B+ in the books. I’m nervous about the 15 page thesis paper I wrote for my theatre class…. mostly because I feel like it should have been 20 pages, but I didn’t want to speak in psychological jargon for five pages (which I would have).

It doesn’t appear as if we’re going to be experiencing any kind death and destruction, so now I turn my focus onto 2013:

I am building my Herbalife team. I have so many ideas of great things to do, and great people to talk to. I can’t wait to help more people reach their goals and to build a successful team that helps to improve the quality of life for people they care about. I can’t wait to #KickAlloftheAsses in 2013. Let’s loose weight, feel awesome and build successful careers!! I’m going to be doing Derbalife clinics and boot camps and Krissy Krash and I were talking today about how to expand the boot camps into something that we can teach other skaters to do!

Car magnet

Active World Team – I am coming. (Maybe someone reading this blog entry will decide to come with me.) January Spectacular is going to be awesome! I’m so excited for all the trainings that are coming up so I can share them with my team.


I also will be back on my skates full force in 2013. You can bet on that. I’m getting so close to healthy. Something I noticed today? My knee didn’t pop once. While I had become accustom to multiple crippling pops a day, it has not happened at ALL today. Very encouraging.

I also will be graduating from college (FINALLY) in the spring. I cannot wait. Finally. 4th time is a charm.

Ok, time for bed. I should have been writing articles about all star teams instead of writing a blog entry, but I to do a little writing for myself. Even though I’m so tired that I’m dizzy at this point. I know there is more going on. I will do some goals and post them here soon.

PS… Want to know what I’ve been using and loving? I don’t rely just on the 24 line, but it is an integral part of my training and recovery.